I am kind of different from alot of the people in the family, I have one major medical problem that makes me different from all the rest of the family and that is why I look close to home for my friends. All those listed above have been there to help me are the ones I call family (friends), because they are there when I need them.They are there to help me through these epileptic attacks. The thing that scares me about them is I have family members on both sides of my family who have died because of these types of attacks, and I don’t want to leave this earth, and leave my family the ones I call friends, day after day I am being called on for help from all of them, for many different things whether it is to talk, or something small needs to be done. So in retrospect I love my family. Since my last attack on 1-21-2011 which messed up my sons birthday because I was at the hospital, one of the oras that warn me that an attack is about to hit is no longer a reliable one was a ringing of the left ear, but now it is a constant ringing, so I can no longer go by that, however, the hearing in that ear is not as strong as it used to be, every thing sounds duller than it used to, with this being said I feel I am going to be deaf in the left ear soon, everything sound like i am going through a tunnel and a cry, scream, slam of a door or a fan irritates the ringing of the left ear hopefully it will stop but for now, I will have to walk around with a cotton ball in the ear. Within the last couple of years my seizures have gone from an estimated 2 times a year to 1 every 2 to 3 months. with some small jerking of the neck, a twitch of the jaw or legs. And still have burning feeling in the arms and legs but the doctors can’t find a cause for that.
I have always worried about others, and in many ways that is ok, but sometimes I should have worried more about myself.
For instance I have always worried about making sure that other family members have had enough to eat, and and if there was nothing left I would find something else even if it was cereal, a couple of boxes of mac and cheese or nothing at all. Then it came to the point that coffee was what I used to fill up so much that I stopped eating most days, to the point that I couldn’t eat as much as I used to. Now I still do the same, worry about making sure my family gets their fill, but I do eat even if it is something small. Yes I do admit sometimes it might be a snack out of my gaming cabinet, or a couple peanut butter sandwiches which is in no way the best for me, but it is something, and yes I still miss breakfast and lunch, which isn’t good for me to the point that I can’t eat as much as I used, I am still at a good weight, I still have my oldest son worried that when the colder weather comes in my coffee habits will pick back up again, all I can say is I hope not, but all we can do is see. Another thing that proves my worry for others in my family, is when I found out via phone call after a doctors appointment, that some one I care so much for has found out that he has diabetes, I cried for a good 10 minutes although trying not to show it, the illness is not only runs on his side of the family but also on mine, and although he does not have my blood I know the effects that this illness can cause, if not reversed before it is to late, because so many people I know that have/had and died from it. On my side I have at least 5 people that I know of that have it so bad that it can’t be reversed, two of them won’t listen to doctors orders and what what they eat, another has it so severe that he has lost his sight from it. My last attack was June 23rd and I was so dehydrated that by the time my wife and oldest son had left I had been on my fifth bag of saline just to get me hydrated. When I did get home the next day, I received a good long harsh talking to about the amount of. My oldest son even told me that he was so mad that if I didn’t change my ways, he wasn’t going to go to the hospital anymore when I had an attack, because of the fact that it was because he knew the reason why. I knew he was right, but because of the many years of drinking coffee I grew into the habit of doing this. I didn’t want to change, therefore didn’t want to believe him. Again I was made out to be a liar. So there it is more about me, changes to come many times in the future.