Who is in control, when nothing is going your way, which is my problem right know. I can’t think straight, even as I write this post it is a problem for me to find words. Therefore I know who has control of my life, it is me, it is a struggle for me because I know that deep down I am harboring animosity towards someone or many people. I know I am holding hurt feelings about that fact that after 26 almost 27 years of taking many different medications numerous neurologists, 1brain surgery which removed 2 1/2 inches of dead brain, and on and off thinking I have learned to live with the fact that I will have epilepsy the rest of my life, Every time I have one, I think why did I even have the surgery in the first place, the only thing the surgery did was get rid of two out of the three different kinds but left me with the worst of them all tonic-clonic seizures AKA grand mal . What a way to bring in the new year but with a grand mal,
Now because of the surgery and still taken medications I have to wait 1 year before I can get my drivers license or go to work. I try to hide the fact that I can’t work by saying every time I hear that another company is going out of business here is Grand Rapids or surrounding cities, by saying what new and how many more will be going out soon, or the amount of jobs that just come in doesn’t compare to the one that just closed, but my family wasn’t, as the old saying goes ” BORN YESTERDAY” know that I really want to go back to work even with a bad back. Boredom is getting the best of me. I was always one to walk long distances, walk to the local drug store or grocery two three times a week 2 miles round trip, Until 1day I had an attack while walking to the grocery store myself. I would always tell my wife when I walked to these places don’t worry I will be fine, because she would constantly worry that I would go down while I was out. I must and will get back to that way, Giving my worries and burdens to the Lords is what I must DO.