Trying to change:

There are many ways a person can change. There is the person who tries to change and the person who changes. Both don’t happen over night, it takes time, and don’t let nobody tell you different. I  as well as others have heard the phrase but I have done a 360 degree, but if you stop to look at that a 360 is a complete circle and you end up back where you started. Granted I used that phrase a few times until it come to me that I wasn’t changing I was just going in circles.  I went to church as a child to get away from abuse at home. Then when I was in foster homes the families went so I of course went  and learned from their churches, the down fall from all the churches where they all were from different Denominations so the teachings weren’t the same, very confusing to a child who was already messed up, coming from a broken home and many other things that can cause a child to wonder why should he be alive.  There where many times I wondered what could I do to better myself in life, I continuously thought where did things go wrong with my parents for them to separate, did I do something, was it my fault, as I got older I went to both of them and got different stories and at that time I knew it was time that I was never going to find out what it was. So then I went on to look for other options as to how to change, and tried my hardest to keep my mind on school, so much that I didn’t have time to think about personal situations but that only made the problems compound because when the weekend came and all the homework was done and I had nothing left to do to occupy my mind the thoughts that I tried to bury would try to come to the surface. At 18 I got married so then there was school, wife, and due to the fact of not much of an income mother-in-law which I guess in a way was a good thing because the inlaw really kept me on my toes so I didn’t have time to think about the past.  I started working, which I thought was good because by now I was overwhelmed with to many things work, school,wife, auto mechanics through school, and mother-in-law, so I got an apartment, which just lead me into a bigger problem, where my wife was stealing the rent money for drugs. So I ended up leaving that whole situation and ending up doing the 360 routine, wondering why I was alive and what happened to cause my parents to split up.

As I write this post I think about all the people that have worse, it seems that every time a family member goes to the hospital more bad news. My wife for instance got a couple of recent blows from the doctors,  I received a blow that my insurance company doesn’t want to pay for a medication I need to help control my epilepsy, My oldest son has had a couple of blows sent his way as well, extended family members, have been getting blow after blow and it just goes on and on. The military is a whole new world of trouble.  We have those who spend their time only to come home with dreams or memories that they just can’t forget, a lost limb, or don’t make it back at all whether it is mentally or physically, and then some of them make it home after many months, just to get killed on the streets in a random act of violence for no reason at all.

There is nothing we can’t get through with the help of family and friends, but we also need the Lord with us and some people really need the encouraging word, the extra hand. So when you see a person in the shadows of despair, send a prayer . If you see someone struggling to move something, ask them if they need a hand, when a smile is thrown it  brighten someones day and erases a frown.


2 thoughts on “Trying to change:

    1. balding2soon Post author

      Oh that wasn’t meaning I am in despair, that was for all those who feel the despair or see someone who is in despair. I have my medical situations but things will work out some how, some way. I have many blessings to count, and sure some of them I still don’t even realize yet, or should I say haven’t seen but what can we say that is the Miracles of the Lord


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