What is it that you Wonder Part 1

Many people wonder who they are now and who they’ll be in the next year or so. I am wondering what has to change. Many people wonder where they are will be in two years. I ask, Am I even going to be alive tomorrow. As a 41 year old who as a boy used church as a way to get away from the Sunday morning beatings, I grew up going to various churches and yes learned a few things about Christ and the Greatest Gift, that was given to us for our sins. I have asked The Lord into my life over the years, but as I got older and the more I got out on my own I started to avoid church, started drinking, on Sundays’ instead of church I would sit at home or go visit friends and drink. I got married to my first wife when I was 18, although she never claimed to be a Christian she listened to Christian music such as,

She would also listen to your much more secular music which I am glad to say wouldn’t be the Running with The Devil by Van Halen, but others such as

My mother-in-law on the other hand was very devout, and the only music you heard her listen to was Christian music like

and the fact that her house was nowhere near a church and never having a drivers license, city bus didn’t run by her house on Sunday, she did daily bible studies in her front room. One day she asked me if i wanted to join her and I said with a hesitating voice yeaaahh, then as I sat down I began to question myself. Over and over What did I get myself into. Now having gone to churches of different denominations, I could hide amongst the other parishioners, or leave if I wanted to, (that’s only if I went by myself). However after sitting there reading the Bible and fifteen minutes went by I asked her, how long are we going to read, and she said to me oh you can stop any time, as for myself I read the whole chapter, I asked her why she does that and she replied by saying then I will do this and she pulled out a study guide. Well after I got done ready the whole chapter she asked me if I was going to also do the study guide and I said sure. We then as I found a place that I could afford and moved, which certainly stopped Bible study again and even though I was closer to numerous churches, I chose not to go. My drinking and lazy days were back, and I would rather do that, than have the responsibility of getting up on Sunday and going to church, Further more I didn’t have a Bible so Bible study at home wasn’t going to work either.

After three years, my then wife, had taken the rent money to by cocaine, well that was all I could take I wasn’t going to put up with this. I wasn’t even going to try to forgive her and work on coming up with the rent money again, I had my mind set that if she did it once she was just going to do it again. Needless to say there was noway I was going to be able to come up with $650.00 by the next day, let alone pay the lender back, when I returned home and heard her lies as to what happened to the money, I packed up what I needed and left. Going back to retrieve the remaining clothes five days later I knew what happened. My wife had turned into a cocaine addict,
I had my suspicions about this before I had even left but didn’t have the proof. When I returned I had all the proof I needed.

To be Continued


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