A prayer from a hardened Heart :

A few days ago my heart became very heavy, I have been so saddened that my hardened heart was like a overloaded levy
Like trying to break a cement brick, not even a magician with his best trick,
Christ the maker of all Creation, Beauty and Nation,
I asked numerous times to unload this burden, all the pain and the hurtin,
My selfish act of wanted my desires, and questions answered, I knew by you I would not get pampered.
So I prayed this prayer

Heavenly Father,
I pray that I could be with you and although it isn’t my time I wonder what it is I’m still here for. I know also my role at this time is to be a good steward of my time here. As we learned today in our Bible study this is just our temporary home and we are here to take care of what you have asked of us. But there is something more, I am trying to do my best to care for my family and put them first in all aspects. I realize after being told and have time to ponder on the thought I can’t take care of others if I don’t take care of myself first, (I.E. Give my dinner to my children or wife and sometimes not eat just to make sure they were full), but as I grew up, I felt it was the only way I felt needed, My father was an OTR truck driver, step mother a plant worker, and Mom was either working a restaurant, factory, or other odd jobs, you know the rest. I was told by some that I was nothing but trouble or as my dad said all the beatings kept me out of jail, I was even told by my father when I moved out and in with my now second wife, That I was his piece of machinery, However you and I know it didn’t. The worse thing I did was hit my wife when she was pregnant for out now 13 year old son.By your Grace he is still with us and safe. However I am saddened that however I have never beat my son as I got beat by my father, My harsh tone and sergeant type attitude has made him bitter, towards me.
I just hope I have time to straighten his heart out before and his heart as hard as mine was

The anger I hold and although I see some changes in my life I still hold so much that I can’t even show the pain.Today I finally exposed my true feelings about what I go through when the seizures,and about how I feel like a burden,because I put the family so much trouble, even thing is put on hold hospital, trips for some and other plans have to be put on hold. Again as I expressed my sorrow for what I put the family through with my medical condition, I wanted to cry, but again as usual all I can do is tear for a couple of seconds. I want to feel the happiness and joy again Lord, it is no ones fault but my own, As far as the wonders dads situation I have now clue as to why I continue to help out I have tried to come up with reasons but they have come up unfounded. I have asked you numerous questions and as I have said I will not be pampered by you so I will leaves these Prayers in your hands and await your answers.

In Christ I Pray AMEN

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4 thoughts on “A prayer from a hardened Heart :

  1. T

    The way you poured your heart out into this prayer, I can feel your emotion and pain in your words. I am sorry that you are going through what you are going through. What you have put here in your post is touching everyone who reads it. I also just read the other two posts before this one your honesty and bravery in sharing what you have shared with your readers is amazing. I know why you are here, you are here for your family, your friends and people like me who read your blog. Your words are helpful and also let people know that they are not the only one who have these feelings and have done things they are not happy with themselves for doing, including me. We can’t fix the past all we can do is move forward, trusting in God to lead us in the right direction. Also What you said about your son. I had that sort of relationship with my daughter, she is now 29 we are closer now than we have ever been. God helped us to heal the past but from about the age of 13 till about 25 I thought for sure I had lost her. As far as your illness, I just do not know what to say, I could say you hang in there relief is coming, or some feel good make you want to roll you eyes at me thing but I won’t, Though I don’t know a lot about God yet what I do know is He works in ways we never will understand so I won’t pretend to understand. I will be praying for you and thank you again for sharing your prayer. and the beginning poem was really good too. God bless you.

    Reply
    1. balding2soon Post author

      Thank you for your comment, I don’t know alot about GOD either, but I do know that he does work in mysterious ways he has done numerous ways within my house, and life. I know I can’t fix the past, not saying I didn’t try, believe me I tried. It wasn’t until I was 36, after my step mother passed that I began a closer relationship with my father, I hope it doesn’t take that long for me to straighten him out. As for my poems I am usually pretty good about writing them I have a few of them on my other “http://coffeeattick.wordpress.com/”> blog that I no longer use here is an example of one of them http://coffeeattick.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/friends/ but takes a few minutes and look.

      Reply
  2. Terra

    My Lord, I lift up this pain and heartache of the child you so love. While it breaks my heart to have read such an outpour crying out for help and direction, I know that You are more than able to heal and deliver this man. My hope and faith stands on Your word God and I pray for strength, courage and a sustaining heart to not give up even if he has not heard from You yet. While he waits on You Jesus, send the angels to watch over he and his family, bring peace in the middle of this storm, bind up the hardened heart he is trying to break completely free of and that also for his son. May this curse be broken so that healing can take place. Lord my heart breaks and is sorrowful because I do not want this soul to give up when a breakthrough may soon be on its way. I claim healing, deliverance, hope, patience and perseverance through such a time as this. In Jesus mighty name I pray, Amen.

    *Please continue to pray without ceasing and call upon The Lord until you hear from Him. Cast all your cares and plead your case. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance in words and actions. Fear not and trust God always no mater what your circumstances look like or sound like. God is in control. Life happens and no person is perfect. Whether its health or emotions, we all battle something. Don’t feel bad. God is allowing things to happen for a reason whether we brought it upon ourselves or not. This is a time of learning and walking in obedience to Him. With that said, surrender your all to Him because you cannot do nothing alone or in your own thoughts or reasoning. The enemy is a liar and will deceive us if we allow him too. Rebuke the negative thoughts and think on what is good and profitable. Speak positivity into the atmosphere and praise God in advance for the victory in Christ Jesus. Alright?

    Please know that I am praying for you and your family. Thank you for being transparent and sharing from the deepest part of your being. Salvation is ours to have in The Lord. We can walk in freedom and peace even when chaos surrounds us.

    God bless you and keep you,

    Terra

    Reply
    1. balding2soon Post author

      Thank you very much for your insight and it helps to know that others know also know the things that we have to go through are put before us are put there for a reason. Some people have it that the problems they go through, are brought on by something they could have avoided, sure it could have been but don’t be fooled not every situation can be fully avoided. And they also don’t realize that they were put into this situation for a reason just as I didn’t for along time.

      Reply

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