Category Archives: Marriage

Warning:

This post is going to be a strange one !
Recently we had a tornado hit a few miles south of us. Wood TV 8 has detailed stories and videos from land and air of the destruction. As I was in the basement doing some laundry I heard my wife yelling then my son run down stairs with my granddaughter, some time later I came upstairs to hear the stories of how the blind in the dining room by my wife had gone straight up as if someone was raising it, the empty pop cans in my son- in- laws  room had begone to swirl around the room in circles. What had happened was we had been caught in the outer winds of this tornado. We had no clue what had happened until later early morning when it was delcared an EF -1  that had just formed out of no where without warning the National Weather Service didn’t even see it on radar.  It had taken down a tree across the street pulling up a good chunck of the sidewalk with it and blocking the first lane northbound,The next day I went out and found some branches on the ground, the drainspout was knocked of the S.W. corner of the house and one of the shingles was found on the ground, a mile down the road a buildings roof caved in, trees where down all over the place, one house across the street to the North ended up with a tree in his frontroom. I had relief mostly that no one was hurt but it hit that all the families that lost their homes.

Enough of the errie stuff over the next couple of days while I was out doing other things I thought to myself Thank God we could have gotten worse.  The next morning I received a call from my dad asking if we were ok because he had seen on the news that the tornado had hit near us so I had told him what little damage we received, thinking the whole time why was he worried or even called because I hadn’t even heard from him in probably a couple of weeks because of a little situation we had between us, but that only goes to say that through the worst of times family is still there to check on you when you don’t realize or expect it. I didn’t even know that he had seen the news, but I think he watched the news after he got a glimpse of my sisters facebook page after it was posted to my wifes wall. So while others had to rebuild  fix wholes in their roofs, clean up debri, and all the other things that need to be taken care of when a tornado rips through the area, all I had to worry about was a few branches, a shingle and hanging upside down from the roof to fix the drainspout. As if that wasn’t scary enough. I would have to say it wasn’t the first time I have had to make this (dasterdly blood rushing to the brian chore,) but it was something that had to be done. While I was up on the roof after the job was done and I was no longer hanging upside, I still had a feeling of I had God to thank for the little damage that we did receive and that I had to be Greatful that no one was injured or killed. I still have never been in the path of a tornado, and honestly I don’t want to be.

There was recently a post on Face Book that I would like to share.
Cherish

Which also brings me to  another saying that I learned along time ago from a pastor/ friend of mine. Don’t ever say good bye, Always see you later, because you never know if that will be the last time you see them in this life, but you will see them again as long as you are living for God.
Now you say it is hard for you to forget something that someone has done to you. Well I say sure it is, No one said it was going to be, I have a hard time forgetting what my dad did to me and all though I have not officially told him I forgive you, I don’t hold a grudge towards him. I chose to go on with my life and although it still hits me know and then, it is like my epilepsy I think about it for a little while and then it is on with my life. Just like most of you some that has happened in your life, you tend to think about it and then it is gone.  Just as that tornado it came in without warning, your loved one or even you could be taken without warning. Another case in point I was in church about a month and a half ago, and about fifteen minutes into the service I noticed a man  leaving the sancturary pushing an older lady out that was in a wheel chair, as they passed me, her left arm went limp and fell off the arm of the wheel chair. I knew then that the family was going to be mourning this lose. It was a big reminder for all who was there and seen the medics after service.

(So Please in closing forgive all who have done you wrong, cherish what you have, love everyone, and live life to the fullest) !

 

Marriage:

Many times it is easy to have or to atleast say that you have a great marriage, no problems, ect. Most times it isn’t the case, Problems arise from the lie ( there are no problems ). People need to confess their faults. Be truthful, with their spouses and family and friends. The trust of these people all depend on the honesty from all.

Ex. Recently I had a secret I was hiding from my wife ( no it wasn’t infidelity )  this was going on for about three months. But the point is when I finally told her it was a big surprise to her and a blow to her, however telling her was a big weight off me. Sure she mixed feelings, she didn’t like the situation, but she was thankful for the honesty. I know she thinks about it.
Being honest will help in many ways, and if every one stops to think about the first part of this line you can come up with the many ways themselves.

With marriage that is sometimes the hardest thing to do, first your relationship starts as a friendship and if honesty isn’t in the relationship one hundred percent before the wedding and the other finds out, is there going to be a wedding second if there is a wedding is there going to be a divorce because the dishonesty, if a person is  because the first thing people intend to look at the divorce card or worse (especially in these days). However with mine, I have failed my wife so many times so could have very easily found a legit reason to leave. and we have been married for 20 years as of  5-13, but we have been able to keep are marriage together,

This principal also goes for friends, a person is only going to call you friend as long as you are honest with them.  Yes a move in residence may happen on either side but if a friendship does not end on a good note, there wont be the ability to communicate after the move is done won’t be there.
This friendship may resurface later down the road but there will be alot of trust rebuilding and sometimes the slightest mistake could end it all over again, usually never to resurface.
Another situation which also included my wife at our 20th anniversary was a relationship breaker between my father and I, when I didn’t receive an invite,  he found out when I posted pictures I received a call from him the last word he said to me was Goodbye and hung up.
Fathers Day morning I posted Happy Fathers Day to all fathers including my father who is upset with me at the present time. The next morning I received a call from him with a Happy Fathers’ Day in turn I said Happy Fathers Day to him, he proceeded to tell me it was a joke, later he says well how would you feel if your son didn’t invite you. My response to that was “Apparently there was a reason for it” his response was ” I’ll call you later he still hasn’t. “Oh well”  There in lies the problem when you say you going to do some do it or don’t say you will, if you did something be honest and say you did.  That is something my dad was always trying to tell me. but like some kids it takes adult hood to get it through their thick head. Then they look back and say mom and/or dad was right. Sometimes it takes loosing someone.

In closing please follow the advise of everyone that has told you,  Be honest  “Honesty is the best Policy “

The Love of a spouse

There are many people who have been together for many years whether it is a long term relationship or a marriage. My first marriage lasted three  years, don’t get me wrong it started out great, however it started to crash after about the second year. Going into the third year the I left for a while because we soon had things that we didn’t agree on after awhile, I soon realized   that I needed to go home and try to give it another chance we soon moved that house to a place downtown then money situations started to get in the way, she started to ask her mother for money and when I asked her where she got it she would lie about it, then it came to stealing  money for drugs. I soon left the whole situation for good. After awhile I found a lady that I am still with to this day. It is funny how the whole relationship started. My now wife met my mom first then my mom called me to ask for my assistance in helping her move in with my now wife.
When I got over to the house to help her load up the car, the first thing I said to Pam (wife), was my mom don’t need to live with you she needs to be in a place of her own and I was very boisterous when I said this. I soon found out that she didn’t live very far from me, so I would go down to her house to see my mom, and her of course. There were times I would walk in and tell Pam she looked like (crap) replacing it with the more harsher word), however I was actually telling her she looked Beautiful. trying to hide the fact that I was falling in love with her. I could see she was suffering from pain in the legs by the way she walked, but I didn’t know the extent of her medical problems, which didn’t matter to me. Well unbeknownst to me she was also falling in love with me. Then one night we where sitting on the from porch having a few mixed drinks, and some beers, and because I was feeling the effects of the alcohol  and she said why don’t you stay the night.

I gladly excepted, I was going to sleep on the couch but she said no you can sleep in my bed and that’s when I realized she had feelings for me. Now we know what could happen when this case arises, however, I told her we can’t do this because before this does go that for we need to be clear headed.

Now from previous post you all know that she had two children from a previous marriage, It was very strange because her oldest son was just 6 years my Jr, http://wp.me/p1gcCC- and soon he started to get to know me. Then she also had a daughter  and https://thoughtzfrommyheart.wordpress.com/2011/01/01/a-daughter-grown-up/ one thing I told all of them also their father was, I will never try to replace you, you are welcome here to see your children any time you would like.  Now for a long time it was very touchy, not knowing what to do, what was to come. Her son was always gone, her daughter was gone to her aunts from her fathers side. But my father soon said your taking my piece of machinery, my stepmother said then you can deal with his seizures, Pam gladly said I will. I packed my things that I could in her car and left, went back to her house and had a few more drinks on the front porch.  After awhile she went to lay down I was still listening to cassette tapes so I put a tape in my walkman continued to finish my drink and listen to music. Back then I wouldn’t be caught with out some music playing, now my cassettes are gone but the disc man still runs instead of mp3 players and my oldest son say when are you  going to switch to mp3 disc mans are long gone. I said I probably  won’t, I have to much money invest in CDS to waste the cases are gone so selling them aren’t an option. However as they get scratched I will through them away and not replace them.
Now we just celebrated our 20th anniversary the 13th of this month, when we got married it was on a friday, and many people thought that we wouldn’t last more than six months, I am sure that people in the family were even making bets on it.

Now as I continue with my wife it is a love I can’t deny. We have had are issues and our fights, we have had our spats over money but only because I will take between 7 to 9 dollars for a pack of non- filtered smokes, and sometimes I will get upset because she will want to check the checks to make sure that they are wrote out right and the account numbers are correct,  I still call her if I am out to find out if Ii have enough in my account to get a cup of coffee or smokes if I need them. The biggest problem with most people and finances is people want things they cant have so they use money they don’t have or they take money from their spouse without their knowledge and when the spouse finds out they also find out sooner or later they have taken it for something they shouldn’t have, (drugs, gambling, online porn, you have one person who is so controlling with the money that  if you spend an extra dollar on something you shouldn’t have ie a candy bar for yourself or your child, ect.). My wife and I have enough to live comfortably, any we live with what we have, if I get called to help someone with a car situation and I can do it I will help and I just take what they offer, unless I have set a price for certain jobs. If I feel like just helping people out, I will tell them your problem has been taken care of you can be on your way or I am going home now, and there is no charge.  When I have a doctors appt downtown I will stop and get a coffee and buy someone something and my wife knows about it she don’t say anything.  It is a sad situation because most of the divorces are caused by this, and also due to the fact that or jobs have closed and moved south, alot of them that move will open in the south under a different name so they can hide the fact that they just moved like the Life Savers candy company moved south because it was cheaper for sugar. However if people had a better outlook and focused their lives on Christ, their needs would be taken care of. Honestly I haven’t focused my life totally on Christ, but I can say this with my wife, we have been very comfortable with our financial status. We love each other, we care  about each other and our children are as will no matter how old they are.

Beauty Within:

LIFES' BLESSINGSThere are many things that we will share together, many things that we will share with others
Our Life together has been a blessing to each other for many years
So many days I see the beauty in you face, A face that I married nineteen years ago
Although physical pain has kept it hidden from others, It is still visible to me
It is there when I look into the eyes of the women I see when I walk into the room,
when I see you at the computer, look at your face as you sleep, and wake up in the morning.
Although you wake up in the morning and think I am still sleeping as you try to sneak back into the room I look at the beauty of your face all over once again. The  smiles that you throw every now and then only enforce that inner beauty that I talk about now and see every day.

When I go to bed at night, but can sleep and get back up as I walk out of the room I quickly turn on the hallway light and see that sleeping beauty all over again, and all I can think how luck I was
to find the beautiful women you are. In many ways you have shown the beauty of your heart to many. Like many who show the beauty of their hearts, they don’t realize the greatness of their gift, they say they don’t have that gift or you are just trying to make me feel better because most times when this type of felling is expressed it is when the person is feeling depressed or down. I am say this out of respect for you because I don’t feel that I have expressed how much respect, love and compassion for you as a husband in all this years.

As  said at the top this is one of the things that is going we will share with others, a couples love should be expressed. And as For you my Wife I have Printed Off a copy just for you.

This post reflects the testimony  series my step son has recently posted on his Daily Aspects blog.  I have been with him over half of his life, and I have seen alot of his bad times as a teenager and into adulthood. Which brings me to the next section of my post. Many times’ he has posted many troubles and times of desperation, most of those times he has come to me not to get advise, but just to vent or get an open ear sometimes asking for advice. Mostly just an open ear is all he wanted. Numerous times I have had to tell him and over the years he has realized this. Asking someone to open their ear to hear you also requires you have to open your ear as well. Now I am not just talking about when they are talking to you that you need to have that ear open, but this is another case of (read between the lines). You don’t have to have any physical person standing there to talk to, when you pray and ask for guidance, how are you supposed to get an answer if your ear isn’t open to hear it.( I am sorry to those who don’t look at things as I see them, such as reading between the lines but there are many things, every day a person can pick out of each thing that is said or seen in more than one or more ways and whether the author of Daily Aspects realizes it or not he just had a situation where he found himself reading between the lines. He may not look at it this way he may have another definition.

As we sat here in the garage talking about his recent post when I came into his life, it had dawned on me about the day I had asked his mother to marry me. In doing so I asked her without coming flat out and saying ” WILL YOU MARRY ME”  she looked at me for a second or so not to long because we were on the highway on our way up to Holland to see her brother. When I didn’t get an answer again I asked “WILL YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME” again I got no reply just a dumb founded look, So finally I looked over at her and with a little laugh in my voice I said I have been trying to ask you for the last ten miles “WILL YOU MARRY ME“!  Again I got this dumbfounded look as though she didn’t catch on, so I thought, maybe just maybe she didn’t hear me and I’ll just play as if I had never said it and go on with the day. No sooner as I thought that I looked over at your mother again and I could see a couple of tears running down her face. So it was then I played dumb and asked her what was wrong and she replied, did you just ask me to Marry you and I said yes I have been trying to for the last 10 miles. That’s when I told her that she had better get used to some between the line reading because I was going to catch her alot. That night is when I also dedicated this song for her  

The reason for this dedication is at the time, we were two totally different people from opposite worlds, grew up and raised with two sets of rules and as adults we lived totally different. After hearing this song and putting the lyrics into context (reading between the lines) she could understand what and why I had dedicated that particular song. When we met each other, we found in someways we were the same but majority of our ways we are different. As we get older the Islands get more and more noticeable although our love for each other will not die, people say they see we have grown apart, it has been noticed and I have to admit in some instances I feel it, and I also now that it is my fault and sometimes, it makes me feel that maybe she would be better off without me, that maybe this whole family would be better off without me. But the one thing that keeps me going is when I hear Ray or dad. I have four people in this house and numerous others outside this house that calls me at least once a day. Tonight I received a call from my daughter asking for some assistance from everyone in the home, but it had to start with myself and her mother.
Like all marriages ours isn’t a match made in heaven we have our bad days we have our good days. Anyone who says that they don’t have problems is hiding something, our love will guide us through the rough times. Sometimes we have to meet in the middle. 

The end will never be known to any of us as we age we can be taken at any time. Our days are numbered and we continue to face everyday as it comes not knowing whether it will be our last or if we will even make it through the night

Every night when I am still awake, I walk down the hall and trying not to wake you, check to see if you are still with us. When you are sleeping your breathing is slow shallow that it takes time for me to focus on the blankets to see the rise and fall from the inhale and exhale as you breathe. As I climb into bed next to you, I get close enough so I can hear your heart beat, that is the things people don’t see, the don’t see the love we actually share for each other because they have their own little world, ( corners they go to and aren’t around). Sure there can be more to our marriage but as I had stated earlier our marriage was not made in heaven.