Category Archives: Teaching

Hate:

Hate: a strong word, that describes a feeling towards someone that has done you wrong. It is used so often that people don’t care how much it hurts a person. To most people it feels like being stabbed with a knife. Just as most of you have been told “I Hate You”, I also have been told that numerous times, I have also told other people that, even said it to people that didn’t deserve it. The that I feel should have been told that was my father was never told. Was it out of RESPECT, or was it the fact I was trying to hold onto something I thought was still there.
I have come to the point however that I can’t recall the last time I have actually said that to someone. I Pray that all you parents, friends, children, and and especially the bullies, will learn how much just the simple, lonely word hate can cut the soul of someone deep and this can cause people to do things to do some very serious crimes or worse.
Even though I have many times thought about using it, I just couldn’t even after it has been said to me, which has been to many times, Thank God.

The time it really hurts to the point that you  really get upset and want to do something such as smack the person, go off some place and cry is when it comes from a child, that just got a little scolding for something they did wrong, you try to explain to them what they did wrong, their consequences, and then there comes that three word statement, I HATE YOU, then what do you do. Myself all I do is look at the person I am talking to is say you will see, it may take awhile but what you do to others will come back to haunt you.
Love all , no matter what he does, show them that you will continue to love them no matter what they have done.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18%3A21-22&version=NIV

I have also told many people that you will say the I hate you to some one, they will take it to heart and that will be the last time you will see him/her until their funeral, if you’re even notified at that time. It is easy to say I am sorry for the harsh words I have said to you, after the person(s) is gone. So with that being let me end with this piece of advice, Please choose your words carefully. Remember the statement, ( If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing.

The Love of a spouse

There are many people who have been together for many years whether it is a long term relationship or a marriage. My first marriage lasted three  years, don’t get me wrong it started out great, however it started to crash after about the second year. Going into the third year the I left for a while because we soon had things that we didn’t agree on after awhile, I soon realized   that I needed to go home and try to give it another chance we soon moved that house to a place downtown then money situations started to get in the way, she started to ask her mother for money and when I asked her where she got it she would lie about it, then it came to stealing  money for drugs. I soon left the whole situation for good. After awhile I found a lady that I am still with to this day. It is funny how the whole relationship started. My now wife met my mom first then my mom called me to ask for my assistance in helping her move in with my now wife.
When I got over to the house to help her load up the car, the first thing I said to Pam (wife), was my mom don’t need to live with you she needs to be in a place of her own and I was very boisterous when I said this. I soon found out that she didn’t live very far from me, so I would go down to her house to see my mom, and her of course. There were times I would walk in and tell Pam she looked like (crap) replacing it with the more harsher word), however I was actually telling her she looked Beautiful. trying to hide the fact that I was falling in love with her. I could see she was suffering from pain in the legs by the way she walked, but I didn’t know the extent of her medical problems, which didn’t matter to me. Well unbeknownst to me she was also falling in love with me. Then one night we where sitting on the from porch having a few mixed drinks, and some beers, and because I was feeling the effects of the alcohol  and she said why don’t you stay the night.

I gladly excepted, I was going to sleep on the couch but she said no you can sleep in my bed and that’s when I realized she had feelings for me. Now we know what could happen when this case arises, however, I told her we can’t do this because before this does go that for we need to be clear headed.

Now from previous post you all know that she had two children from a previous marriage, It was very strange because her oldest son was just 6 years my Jr, http://wp.me/p1gcCC- and soon he started to get to know me. Then she also had a daughter  and https://thoughtzfrommyheart.wordpress.com/2011/01/01/a-daughter-grown-up/ one thing I told all of them also their father was, I will never try to replace you, you are welcome here to see your children any time you would like.  Now for a long time it was very touchy, not knowing what to do, what was to come. Her son was always gone, her daughter was gone to her aunts from her fathers side. But my father soon said your taking my piece of machinery, my stepmother said then you can deal with his seizures, Pam gladly said I will. I packed my things that I could in her car and left, went back to her house and had a few more drinks on the front porch.  After awhile she went to lay down I was still listening to cassette tapes so I put a tape in my walkman continued to finish my drink and listen to music. Back then I wouldn’t be caught with out some music playing, now my cassettes are gone but the disc man still runs instead of mp3 players and my oldest son say when are you  going to switch to mp3 disc mans are long gone. I said I probably  won’t, I have to much money invest in CDS to waste the cases are gone so selling them aren’t an option. However as they get scratched I will through them away and not replace them.
Now we just celebrated our 20th anniversary the 13th of this month, when we got married it was on a friday, and many people thought that we wouldn’t last more than six months, I am sure that people in the family were even making bets on it.

Now as I continue with my wife it is a love I can’t deny. We have had are issues and our fights, we have had our spats over money but only because I will take between 7 to 9 dollars for a pack of non- filtered smokes, and sometimes I will get upset because she will want to check the checks to make sure that they are wrote out right and the account numbers are correct,  I still call her if I am out to find out if Ii have enough in my account to get a cup of coffee or smokes if I need them. The biggest problem with most people and finances is people want things they cant have so they use money they don’t have or they take money from their spouse without their knowledge and when the spouse finds out they also find out sooner or later they have taken it for something they shouldn’t have, (drugs, gambling, online porn, you have one person who is so controlling with the money that  if you spend an extra dollar on something you shouldn’t have ie a candy bar for yourself or your child, ect.). My wife and I have enough to live comfortably, any we live with what we have, if I get called to help someone with a car situation and I can do it I will help and I just take what they offer, unless I have set a price for certain jobs. If I feel like just helping people out, I will tell them your problem has been taken care of you can be on your way or I am going home now, and there is no charge.  When I have a doctors appt downtown I will stop and get a coffee and buy someone something and my wife knows about it she don’t say anything.  It is a sad situation because most of the divorces are caused by this, and also due to the fact that or jobs have closed and moved south, alot of them that move will open in the south under a different name so they can hide the fact that they just moved like the Life Savers candy company moved south because it was cheaper for sugar. However if people had a better outlook and focused their lives on Christ, their needs would be taken care of. Honestly I haven’t focused my life totally on Christ, but I can say this with my wife, we have been very comfortable with our financial status. We love each other, we care  about each other and our children are as will no matter how old they are.

New Change:

This post isn’t going to be about all the pain, heartache, and sorrow. That is why I have decided to headline it

New Change

. The better parts of my life is when when I was in my mid teens and could go on those long haul trips with my father in his semi. One trip in particular was a trip through the Rocky Mountains the sunsets there are the most beautiful sites sure there other places you can find to get beautiful sunsets its just I haven’t been to them, and being born in Colorado, That is my home, the mountains you have no obstructions blocking your view,Rocky Mountian Sunsets

Its like trying to see the stars at night in the city, not a very good view. But the best thing about these trips is the time spent with my father and the long talks we were able to have without all the interruptions. These talks didn’t just include the abuse either the a majority of the talks were about are days as adults, what I did after I moved out on my own and his many trips across the U.S. When he decided to come down from the long hauls and go local so he could be home every night, I took a few trips with him to Chicago, and we would then talk about all the times he got caught in downpours that were so bad that you couldn’t see out your window, which delayed you. Getting caught in a few tornadoes down south and hurricanes, and many thunderstorms  which by the way I got caught in one back when one hit the East Coast in early 90″s, it was a real treat, although we were bob tailing (empty trailer) and that was blowing the trailer  all over the road, we went as far as we could before it got to dangerous and we had to stop. 

English: The East coast region of the United S...

English: The East coast region of the United States. Vermont, Pennsylvania and the District of Columbia (maroon) do not include any Atlantic Ocean coastline but are commonly considered to be part of the region. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Back to the story of the trip with my dad. We had a great time, at the truck stops also, and then all of a sudden my dad would blurt out stories about being in that same truck stop and seeing a family member that we didn’t even know we had or one that he knew but because we didn’t have money like us they don’t want to associate with us. Then he would talk about another truck stop down the road that has the best desserts, stake and eggs, ect. Another thing we would talk about is what would be the best highways to travel to make a trip faster, the way to go to avoid the most weigh stations, or what highways and where the the state police or county mounty would be hiding, that was his life since he returned from the military in 76 so for thirty plus years that was his first home and the only reason why I say that was his first home is because he was gone more than

Denos 6 & 85 Truck stop, Commerce City, Colora...

Denos 6 & 85 Truck stop, Commerce City, Colorado (USA) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

he was home, only because he had nine children to pay bills for, so he had to bring in the money to pay bills. But that didn’t matter, that is what gave him the stories that he was able to pass on to me later when we went on these trips with him and when we have time to visit even now. So I end this with a quote ” If you have children whether you are a mother or a father even those grand parents can chip in, pass those stories on”  IE and that doesn’t mean just the old standby that I heard by all the the generations before me, “When I was your age we walked through snow up to our knees and blizzards that froze your nose hairs, those our funny, but a little more of life experiences, like how dad put tools in my hand and taught me how to change the oil or mom put you in the kitchen and taught me how to cook pancakes, or fried chicken. Now have fun all those young mothers and mothers to be, and mothers yet to come, spill the beans and fathers let them get greasy, let them help you with repairs on the house, Grand Parents share your stories and pass on any traits you can so they can become a jack-of- all  trades and not have to call a plumber, take there car to the service shop for minor repairs, change a plain over head light source such as a dining room light in a light with a ceiling fan ect. and pass these on so the can pass them down to their children, such as Grandmas’ Famous Peanut Butter Cookies, Fudge, Ect.

Overloaded and Cold Shouldered

A new beginning, I have started bible study with my two older children and wife, as we hold two Bible studies daily with my oldest Children as the leaders of the Studies, each one taking a class and teaching it. I thought this song is fitting for this post giving this credit where it is due back to the author of http://dailyaspects.wordpress.com/ he posted in response to one of my recent posts and I felt compelled to respond. He knows all to well that I have had a ice cold heart when it comes to certain things I don’t show emotions of sorry at funerals. It wasn’t until I heard the songs on this post that all I could do was cry I had held so much pain and anger in my life that after this song[

Now with that being said it also went with the post that softened a heart that was so overloaded as a levy unable to opened yet unable to break, not even the slightest leak or puncture could be applied to it no matter how hard anyone tried. But it took among the a song I posted and the two songs that he posted this

which in itself had a huge impact on the prayer that I had wrote earlier in the day. Needless to say all three songs had finally made me cry so hard that after 15 minutes my eyes were so dry they were red from being blood shot. The next song had another totally different effect on my however it still had a remarkable direct impact towards my hardened heart and struggling life. The rainmaker for me, tear jerker whatever you want to call it. I have told my family that the last time I cried that hard was back in the mid nineties when my wife had just got the computer and was up all night on that, and even then it was about three minutes and that was it. The longest time I cried before this was after my wife had had her hysterectomy, the doctors had given her some patches to help with those mood swings, my daughter

thought that it would be funny to put it in my coffee pot, needless to say my emotions where all over the place crying but yet so mad not knowing why i was crying I was telling everyone to get out of my house and in NOT so nice of words either this was in 2007 I believe. But again that didn’t loosen the hardened heart. If anything I think it hardened it even more I had no clue what happened until the next morning when I went to make another pot of coffee and when I questioned each and every one of the Children I was told by each of them it was me. I knew it had to be one of them and the truth always comes out so I waited, and sure enough, it did slip later that it was my daughter, only to be confirmed by her husband after she got drunk one day and let it slip to him also. Now my son told me that once I did cry it was going to hit me like a brick, believe me I didn’t care how hard it hit, I just wanted it to hit and soon. I couldn’t hold the pain and sadness any more, my shoulders where already about to crush from all the weight being loaded and not unloaded, like a City Plow being loaded with salt or dirt for the icy roads, bucket after bucket being dumped. As I watched the videos It was like that same city plow as it went up and down the city streets spreading the its load to help with the ice, But as I got done with the whole post and hibernated to my room, that bucket had just dumped its’ whole load of salt and as it piled all in one spot I could feel the load on my shoulders getting lighter and lighter and as I sat up I could see the son shine through the window for the first time that day. I had recently been on my mail and seen this posted from one of my gmail friends.

Crying

Never looking at it that way, But I also have never looked at it the way many fathers have taught their sons that crying is for babies and for the weak, I have just ( some would say a person with no remorse). Myself I would just have to say I have been holding so much pain and anger that I can’t or wont show emotions. If I did it had to be a very painful situation and those such things haven’t happened as of yet.  All those I dearly Love are still alive.

Worries:

The worries of today that many people talk about are the Tribulation. Some say it is going to happen before Christ returns, Some say it is going to happen after Christ has come and gone. We all know that the Mark of the beast is going to happen in order to buy food, gas, the concentration camps, if you don’t receive the mark, and death if you don’t confess satan, as you god. Many people let this worry them, but if you are right with God you have nothing to worry about. I have been told numerous times, from many people I don’t live or walk right with God. But there is only one person that can Judge me, and on that day as I face that Person I will find out whether or not I’ll be entering the Gates above or being casts into the Pits. No I don’t go to church, but I have been told by numerous pastors and others that have been going to church for along time who have grown up from childhood going to church that going to church isn’t a necessity, just as the Bible states even though a person goes and spreads Gods words and teaches others about Christs that doesn’t give them entrance into the Gates of Heaven. I don’t look at myself as spreading Gods Word, I am stating facts to contradict that the many worries that is going around about the tribulation. The Tribulation is certainly going to happen before the Rapture. Many people are under the impression that Christ will come back and take his chosen before the Tribulation, that is because many false teachers have rewritten the scripture and if you really read the top of this post you will see I said that during the Tribulation, people will be killed if they don’t confess satan as their god. When the Bible says that God will come back to get His Chosen, the Bible is talking about those who have already passed on. As I write this it reminds me of a few people who are supposed to be ” church goers” and the reason I specify it that way is because they are from different denominations and because again they will be judge when they stand in front of Christ, for their sins. Sins not only against myself but also against others.
I will not confess satan as my God and I will not take the mark of the beast. Death is upon me when that day COMES.

This post reflects the testimony  series my step son has recently posted on his Daily Aspects blog.  I have been with him over half of his life, and I have seen alot of his bad times as a teenager and into adulthood. Which brings me to the next section of my post. Many times’ he has posted many troubles and times of desperation, most of those times he has come to me not to get advise, but just to vent or get an open ear sometimes asking for advice. Mostly just an open ear is all he wanted. Numerous times I have had to tell him and over the years he has realized this. Asking someone to open their ear to hear you also requires you have to open your ear as well. Now I am not just talking about when they are talking to you that you need to have that ear open, but this is another case of (read between the lines). You don’t have to have any physical person standing there to talk to, when you pray and ask for guidance, how are you supposed to get an answer if your ear isn’t open to hear it.( I am sorry to those who don’t look at things as I see them, such as reading between the lines but there are many things, every day a person can pick out of each thing that is said or seen in more than one or more ways and whether the author of Daily Aspects realizes it or not he just had a situation where he found himself reading between the lines. He may not look at it this way he may have another definition.

As we sat here in the garage talking about his recent post when I came into his life, it had dawned on me about the day I had asked his mother to marry me. In doing so I asked her without coming flat out and saying ” WILL YOU MARRY ME”  she looked at me for a second or so not to long because we were on the highway on our way up to Holland to see her brother. When I didn’t get an answer again I asked “WILL YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME” again I got no reply just a dumb founded look, So finally I looked over at her and with a little laugh in my voice I said I have been trying to ask you for the last ten miles “WILL YOU MARRY ME“!  Again I got this dumbfounded look as though she didn’t catch on, so I thought, maybe just maybe she didn’t hear me and I’ll just play as if I had never said it and go on with the day. No sooner as I thought that I looked over at your mother again and I could see a couple of tears running down her face. So it was then I played dumb and asked her what was wrong and she replied, did you just ask me to Marry you and I said yes I have been trying to for the last 10 miles. That’s when I told her that she had better get used to some between the line reading because I was going to catch her alot. That night is when I also dedicated this song for her  

The reason for this dedication is at the time, we were two totally different people from opposite worlds, grew up and raised with two sets of rules and as adults we lived totally different. After hearing this song and putting the lyrics into context (reading between the lines) she could understand what and why I had dedicated that particular song. When we met each other, we found in someways we were the same but majority of our ways we are different. As we get older the Islands get more and more noticeable although our love for each other will not die, people say they see we have grown apart, it has been noticed and I have to admit in some instances I feel it, and I also now that it is my fault and sometimes, it makes me feel that maybe she would be better off without me, that maybe this whole family would be better off without me. But the one thing that keeps me going is when I hear Ray or dad. I have four people in this house and numerous others outside this house that calls me at least once a day. Tonight I received a call from my daughter asking for some assistance from everyone in the home, but it had to start with myself and her mother.
Like all marriages ours isn’t a match made in heaven we have our bad days we have our good days. Anyone who says that they don’t have problems is hiding something, our love will guide us through the rough times. Sometimes we have to meet in the middle. 

The end will never be known to any of us as we age we can be taken at any time. Our days are numbered and we continue to face everyday as it comes not knowing whether it will be our last or if we will even make it through the night

Every night when I am still awake, I walk down the hall and trying not to wake you, check to see if you are still with us. When you are sleeping your breathing is slow shallow that it takes time for me to focus on the blankets to see the rise and fall from the inhale and exhale as you breathe. As I climb into bed next to you, I get close enough so I can hear your heart beat, that is the things people don’t see, the don’t see the love we actually share for each other because they have their own little world, ( corners they go to and aren’t around). Sure there can be more to our marriage but as I had stated earlier our marriage was not made in heaven.