Tag Archives: Answers

Change of Heart, Mind and Soul:

The heart can be broken by lifes’ many trials. Abuse, lies, mistrust, dead end roads. All leading to one thing. Many times I have tried to walk the road of Faith following Gods’ guidance, and as many times as I have tried to follow I have failed twenty times over if not more. I have always chalked it up as the trials tribulations, and struggles of life. Which is easier to do then take on the responsibility and say what did I do wrong to cause this problem. Maybe I didn’t have a part in it, but there was a reason for this to come my way. It was predestined for me to have a son even though I didn’t want a child, due to the fact of Epilepsy ran on both sides of my family, God had other plans. Then came to pass that my wife was carrying twins, another trait of the Wright family, but again, God had other plans. We still have one child, at one when we found out that one of the fetuses had not made it, again I questioned God and my trust was broken, I had lost my way. Even though I had told my wife when they told her there was no child there I told her, that the tech that did the ultrasound messed up and missed it. I told her that the baby is there and to have Faith in God even though I had already began to question him and my faith had already deteriorated to the point of nil. The tech came back from talking to our family doctor, and she had told us the doctor said there was a baby in there and she had to do another test, so “LET THE TEST BEGAN” again I waited impatiently and as she continued to probe, I began to hear the heartbeat of an unborn child and my eyes began to tear up as I looked at my wife and said there he is.
As I was typing the last phrase one song came to mind, and again as I listened to it, again my eyes began to tear as I thought about that day when I was in the hospital just standing there one minute questioning God, yet telling my wife to have Faith that God will see all things through and the baby will be there, just fine.

At this point I began to ask myself why would God allow this child to be alive after I questioned him, and let my faith fall so far.  Many years of people lying, abusing, abandoning, denying, mistrusting ect, . I despised it, hated it and didn’t want nothing to do with them. Now I was doing the same thing to God that I despised. Why would he save my child. I stop and think about that every now and then. I mean it isn’t that hard to figure out why, Our God is an Awesome God 

Now as time goes by I began to wonder why I continuously wonder what happened to make things so haphazzard in my life, what I had done to let things get so bad that I let myself get so lost in life that it is so disastrous,I have lost touch with reality sometimes.

I sometimes want to cry but life has been so cruel and hard that my when I hear a sad song see a touching movie, go to a funeral, the most that happens my eyes will water as if I could easily pass it off as a yawn or something is in my eye.
There is a song that I would always tear to 

But the one I really love to listen to is I used to listen to this song alot when I first got married to Pam back in 1994.  At this time we had gone to church every Sunday. At first I thought she was very pushy about going to church and because of my background, I didn’t want nothing to do with the thought of it, but none the less I went putting my feelings aside because of the way I felt for her. I was also a person on my own and when we first got together we would sit on the front porch in the morning every day including Sundays and have drinks including my specialty Manhattans on the rocks. Something told me that all would stop, and I told her then 14 year son that I thought his mother was going to far with this church thing. Needless to say that didn’t last very long and back to the weeks of having drinks everyday, and I thought that was greater than going to church any day. This is also coming from a person who went to church as a child who went to church on Sundays just to get away from getting a beating on Sunday morning before the day can even start. So in retrospect of all this, I would have to say, over the many years of constant
heartaches and abuse and then the heartaches and abuse I have caused to others, the worst of all heartaches and abuse I caused was that I caused to the Lord and even knowing that he sent his Son to die on the Cross to die for our sins, He still loved me enough to give me a son, Loved me enough to save me through all these years,and to help me go through all the trials and tribulations with the love and support of a great Father. For many people it is hard to fathom that one Man can do so many things and be in so many places at one time. But through him all things are possible.  Then comes the time for judgement when we all have to face him to answer for our sins.

When that day comes are you going to be able to answer to those sins and say to God that you are sorry for those sins, can you actually give the Greatest Creator of All an honest and humble answer or will you be awestruck as this song indicates 

At this point in life I could honestly say Lord, You, have sent you Son to die for our sins and washed them away, and that nothing I have done in my time on earth allows me a place in heaven. But when I am face to face, I know I would be the later, not knowing what to say, myself I would be tongue tied and twisted. What about you?

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Time to play ball:

This post is going to take place on the field and the reason why I am playing ball is because alot of people are looking for answers to everyday problems from within themselves, like Why am I hurting people the way I do? I for one ask my self a why couldn’t I have done more with my life . One of the questions that I haven’t asked anyone. And my son the author will say to me look at it from the bleachers. Now lets start batting. I am thrown a (fast ball), for instance the abuse from my father which now has on impact on how I am with my family now. With that being said no I don’t abuse my child, the way my father did me but I am quick to anger and he can see that because he sees it from bleachers, and now for the one thing no one likes to here the Umpire (STRIKE). You look up throw that bat walk away with anger and ask your self how come I struck out. And then you look at yourself and ask again, not realizing that your son heard this time, he says to you, you tried to hard or your mind wasn’t with the game. Neither one of those answers are ones a batter wants to here. In my case my son looks at me and says your anger has got such a hold on you that you don’t realize it, and can’t see how strong that hold is. Neither answer I didn’t want to hear either, but in both cases as a batter or myself if the batter and myself looked at the answers hard enough we would find that the truth was their in that answer. The second question that only we could answer is, was it because we were so blinded that we couldn’t see the answer, or was it because we were to proud, again neither answer will be liked. I for one have seen it in both aspects yes I have been so blinded by somethings that I couldn’t see the answer and there have been times (as much as I hate to admit) my ego has gotten in the way, and as for many they don’t want to admit that the won’t let their ego get in the way of things, well I thought that same things, what a joke. Some people are ashamed to admit when their ego has gotten the best of them, but a little warning to all who feel this way, YOUR EGO can be disastrous to not only your relationships but your health as well.

A Son With much Knowledge

I am a Step Dad to a son who is six years younger than I am, and with that being said I met him when he was a 14 year old, going through alot, so he was troubled, and  even when  I married his mother it took me along time for him to even look at me as a person he could talk to. Let alone his mothers husband or his step dad.
Over the 17 years he has opened up to me alot talking to me about more things, as I have with him and knowing that what we talk about with each other stays between us, is a bond that will always be there.
At 17 he started to gain knowledge that I could only dream of having at that age and as we grow older together he continues to put me to shame with the knowledge he has on alot of subjects, yes including computers, blogs, writing post, we have talked about numerous things and he has come up with ideas, answers to solving problems that some people come across on a daily basis, answers that would put my dad to shame, before the heart attacks effected my fathers mind. I know I have a son that I can go to talk to, maybe get some answers if, I need them, or just an open ear, and if he doesn’t have an answer he isn’t afraid to say I don’t have an answer at this time, give me a minute to think about that. I will get back to you. That to me shows alot of knowledge to know that he isn’t going to say this is the answer and give me some answer, just to get done with the conversation, when he has the answers immediately, they always have knowledge about them and sometimes I have to say I am not following and  sometimes it upsets him, but that again shows the knowledge that he has compared to me. Hopefully someday he will see that, I am tech savvy, or into alot of things because I don’t have alot of time, to sit during the day because I have a house to take care of a wife I love but also needs help another son and now my step daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter are now in the home as well. So needless to say alot of my play time is done at night, when I am fighting to stay awake, or can’t think about what to say. Anyhow a THANK YOU to my SON  WITH MUCH KNOWLEDGE! In continuation to this post I have have looked to many people including counselors for guidance and direction, but the guidance and direction I have found from this son of much knowledge is better than these worldly counselors, I just hope he sees how much his words effect the way I see things. Maybe not at the time he thinks I should and that might be another frustration for him because he may think I am not listening because I don’t react at that time or maybe I don’t quite understand what he is trying to say, and have to basically say repeat it in ENGLISH. So now with that being said I am going to say this in plain ENGLISH, MY SON, I have listened to you even as a teenager and although some of your wisdom has been strange as a teenager which I haven’t followed, I am wise enough to know what is knowledge to follow and what is knowledge to through out the door or knowledge that you pass to me that I can us in a different aspect. Now don’t take it the wrong way but everyone has life experiences to pass on to others just as I have told my dad and I may not be able to use those same experiences in my life but I can use them to my advantage when the time comes. Just as maybe some of my life experiences you maybe be able to change and use in your life when the time is needed, and you may not even realize that the two have been connected until later in life but if you stop and look into your past you will see that at some point a life experience that your dad has had you have had to use also, just had to throw in a couple of twists. So know you can see that I look at you my son as more than just a person to answer questions about computers, or someone to help fill my house, but someone to also help throw a couple curve balls at me as well.