Tag Archives: forgive

Warning:

This post is going to be a strange one !
Recently we had a tornado hit a few miles south of us. Wood TV 8 has detailed stories and videos from land and air of the destruction. As I was in the basement doing some laundry I heard my wife yelling then my son run down stairs with my granddaughter, some time later I came upstairs to hear the stories of how the blind in the dining room by my wife had gone straight up as if someone was raising it, the empty pop cans in my son- in- laws  room had begone to swirl around the room in circles. What had happened was we had been caught in the outer winds of this tornado. We had no clue what had happened until later early morning when it was delcared an EF -1  that had just formed out of no where without warning the National Weather Service didn’t even see it on radar.  It had taken down a tree across the street pulling up a good chunck of the sidewalk with it and blocking the first lane northbound,The next day I went out and found some branches on the ground, the drainspout was knocked of the S.W. corner of the house and one of the shingles was found on the ground, a mile down the road a buildings roof caved in, trees where down all over the place, one house across the street to the North ended up with a tree in his frontroom. I had relief mostly that no one was hurt but it hit that all the families that lost their homes.

Enough of the errie stuff over the next couple of days while I was out doing other things I thought to myself Thank God we could have gotten worse.  The next morning I received a call from my dad asking if we were ok because he had seen on the news that the tornado had hit near us so I had told him what little damage we received, thinking the whole time why was he worried or even called because I hadn’t even heard from him in probably a couple of weeks because of a little situation we had between us, but that only goes to say that through the worst of times family is still there to check on you when you don’t realize or expect it. I didn’t even know that he had seen the news, but I think he watched the news after he got a glimpse of my sisters facebook page after it was posted to my wifes wall. So while others had to rebuild  fix wholes in their roofs, clean up debri, and all the other things that need to be taken care of when a tornado rips through the area, all I had to worry about was a few branches, a shingle and hanging upside down from the roof to fix the drainspout. As if that wasn’t scary enough. I would have to say it wasn’t the first time I have had to make this (dasterdly blood rushing to the brian chore,) but it was something that had to be done. While I was up on the roof after the job was done and I was no longer hanging upside, I still had a feeling of I had God to thank for the little damage that we did receive and that I had to be Greatful that no one was injured or killed. I still have never been in the path of a tornado, and honestly I don’t want to be.

There was recently a post on Face Book that I would like to share.
Cherish

Which also brings me to  another saying that I learned along time ago from a pastor/ friend of mine. Don’t ever say good bye, Always see you later, because you never know if that will be the last time you see them in this life, but you will see them again as long as you are living for God.
Now you say it is hard for you to forget something that someone has done to you. Well I say sure it is, No one said it was going to be, I have a hard time forgetting what my dad did to me and all though I have not officially told him I forgive you, I don’t hold a grudge towards him. I chose to go on with my life and although it still hits me know and then, it is like my epilepsy I think about it for a little while and then it is on with my life. Just like most of you some that has happened in your life, you tend to think about it and then it is gone.  Just as that tornado it came in without warning, your loved one or even you could be taken without warning. Another case in point I was in church about a month and a half ago, and about fifteen minutes into the service I noticed a man  leaving the sancturary pushing an older lady out that was in a wheel chair, as they passed me, her left arm went limp and fell off the arm of the wheel chair. I knew then that the family was going to be mourning this lose. It was a big reminder for all who was there and seen the medics after service.

(So Please in closing forgive all who have done you wrong, cherish what you have, love everyone, and live life to the fullest) !

 

Change of Heart, Mind and Soul:

The heart can be broken by lifes’ many trials. Abuse, lies, mistrust, dead end roads. All leading to one thing. Many times I have tried to walk the road of Faith following Gods’ guidance, and as many times as I have tried to follow I have failed twenty times over if not more. I have always chalked it up as the trials tribulations, and struggles of life. Which is easier to do then take on the responsibility and say what did I do wrong to cause this problem. Maybe I didn’t have a part in it, but there was a reason for this to come my way. It was predestined for me to have a son even though I didn’t want a child, due to the fact of Epilepsy ran on both sides of my family, God had other plans. Then came to pass that my wife was carrying twins, another trait of the Wright family, but again, God had other plans. We still have one child, at one when we found out that one of the fetuses had not made it, again I questioned God and my trust was broken, I had lost my way. Even though I had told my wife when they told her there was no child there I told her, that the tech that did the ultrasound messed up and missed it. I told her that the baby is there and to have Faith in God even though I had already began to question him and my faith had already deteriorated to the point of nil. The tech came back from talking to our family doctor, and she had told us the doctor said there was a baby in there and she had to do another test, so “LET THE TEST BEGAN” again I waited impatiently and as she continued to probe, I began to hear the heartbeat of an unborn child and my eyes began to tear up as I looked at my wife and said there he is.
As I was typing the last phrase one song came to mind, and again as I listened to it, again my eyes began to tear as I thought about that day when I was in the hospital just standing there one minute questioning God, yet telling my wife to have Faith that God will see all things through and the baby will be there, just fine.

At this point I began to ask myself why would God allow this child to be alive after I questioned him, and let my faith fall so far.  Many years of people lying, abusing, abandoning, denying, mistrusting ect, . I despised it, hated it and didn’t want nothing to do with them. Now I was doing the same thing to God that I despised. Why would he save my child. I stop and think about that every now and then. I mean it isn’t that hard to figure out why, Our God is an Awesome God 

Now as time goes by I began to wonder why I continuously wonder what happened to make things so haphazzard in my life, what I had done to let things get so bad that I let myself get so lost in life that it is so disastrous,I have lost touch with reality sometimes.

I sometimes want to cry but life has been so cruel and hard that my when I hear a sad song see a touching movie, go to a funeral, the most that happens my eyes will water as if I could easily pass it off as a yawn or something is in my eye.
There is a song that I would always tear to 

But the one I really love to listen to is I used to listen to this song alot when I first got married to Pam back in 1994.  At this time we had gone to church every Sunday. At first I thought she was very pushy about going to church and because of my background, I didn’t want nothing to do with the thought of it, but none the less I went putting my feelings aside because of the way I felt for her. I was also a person on my own and when we first got together we would sit on the front porch in the morning every day including Sundays and have drinks including my specialty Manhattans on the rocks. Something told me that all would stop, and I told her then 14 year son that I thought his mother was going to far with this church thing. Needless to say that didn’t last very long and back to the weeks of having drinks everyday, and I thought that was greater than going to church any day. This is also coming from a person who went to church as a child who went to church on Sundays just to get away from getting a beating on Sunday morning before the day can even start. So in retrospect of all this, I would have to say, over the many years of constant
heartaches and abuse and then the heartaches and abuse I have caused to others, the worst of all heartaches and abuse I caused was that I caused to the Lord and even knowing that he sent his Son to die on the Cross to die for our sins, He still loved me enough to give me a son, Loved me enough to save me through all these years,and to help me go through all the trials and tribulations with the love and support of a great Father. For many people it is hard to fathom that one Man can do so many things and be in so many places at one time. But through him all things are possible.  Then comes the time for judgement when we all have to face him to answer for our sins.

When that day comes are you going to be able to answer to those sins and say to God that you are sorry for those sins, can you actually give the Greatest Creator of All an honest and humble answer or will you be awestruck as this song indicates 

At this point in life I could honestly say Lord, You, have sent you Son to die for our sins and washed them away, and that nothing I have done in my time on earth allows me a place in heaven. But when I am face to face, I know I would be the later, not knowing what to say, myself I would be tongue tied and twisted. What about you?

MY father was very hard

Born 2/11/1950, my father was a hard person, when my father was 5 years old his father passed, growing up in a family of 16 siblings was not only hard for him but also hard on his mother, at now 16 he dropped out of school in the 8th grade. At 16 he lied about his age and enlisted in the military, Stationed in Fort Carson, Colorado, fighting in Vietnam, when I was born in 1972. In 1974, we returned to Grand, Rapids Mi., In 1976 he remarried. Now already having two children of his own he took on her 5 children. He then became a long haul truck driver, going all over the U.S., sometimes being gone for weeks at a time, so when he was home, he either slept, was busy catching up on the events that took place while he was gone and/or punishing me, for things that I was accused of doing. He spent alot of time punishing me for things that my older siblings would accuse me of doing, just so they wouldn’t get into trouble and also to see how much trouble I would get into. In 1978 my half brother was born, now we had with both parents and 8 children in a 4 bedroom house, then the two attics were converted into bedrooms. The abuse continued until I was 13 and after being bounced back and forth between foster homes and both my parents homes I couldn’t take it no more, ending up in a foster home at 13, I stayed until 14 at which time I went back at my fathers house, by then I was already diagnosed with epilepsy. In 1986 by the time I was 15 I had moved in with my mother who was now married to another man, and living in Sparta Mi. In 1986 my father had another child, a daughter, whom because I lived in Sparta with My mom I had no knowledge of this until she was 4 years old. Now at 17 and married to my first wife I had a chance to talk to my father about all the abuse I had received as a child and all he could tell me was he knew who it was, but he couldn’t get my step mother to believe him and he lacked the proof and all I had to do was hold out a little longer and he would have been able to get that proof, in response, I asked him how many more beatings would I have had to get before he had that proof, and he truthfully answered I don’t know. Once I got to old to beat on he turned his abusive attitude towards another family member who is now in a state prison in upstate Mi., not so much for the abuse at the hands of my father, but for the same reason I received all the abuse when I was a child, the main person who caused it all for me, caused it for him, His mother abuse and mistreatment towards him and being married to a drunk, and although you can’t blame others for your actions that you make, (which put you in places such as prison), I feel as well as other people such as my wife, if he had been removed from the home, before it got to far out of control he wouldn’t be as bad mentally. July 4th 2003 at 53 my father had a major heart attack while at a drop in Chicago Ill. He was in the hospital for almost two weeks, once back here the doctors took him of work indefinitely, it was then that he had started, to calm down with his abusive attitude, after having a few more minor attacks, he has slowed down even more. He started showing more affection, and then in 2008, his wife of 32 years passed away and he began to become more and more sentimental, he began to give hugs to his children, loved visits from his children and very often called to see if my wife could bring me over for a visit, it soon became a regular routine that when my wife and I had a doctors appointment downtown we would stop in for a visit, and he to this day still tears up when anything is mentioned about his wife of 32 years. It came to the point that there were numerous times he has expressed to my wife and I that he felt like giving up and ending it all. Numerous times after expressing these feelings to use we talked to him about those feelings, and he told us that although he fought in Vietnam, he was a big chicken and couldn’t bring himself to do such a thing, and with that being said, he was such a chicken for a long time he couldn’t even give himself shots to keep his sugar diabetes in check. Now he gives himself his own shots, his mind pretty much intact, although in 2001 – 2002 he requested I go through his check register and when I did I found the register to be all messed up being down as much as $600.00 back to the positive and back and fourth to the point that I had to give up half way through the register he was in the black by around $1000.00. With that being said in late 2004 -2005 he tried to start his own trucking business, and asked if I would be his accountant, because I always always good with numbers, I told him I had no schooling and had no degree for that he said you now to add, subtract, multiply and divide, don’t you I replied yes, he said that is all you need to know, I figured, well if that is what he requires then I will try to take on the task, so I told him I would but on one condition, I had have my own computer at my home because I wasn’t going to have people getting into the computer and have them changing my work when I wasn’t at his house, he told me no that is why you have the business side of the computer locked, I then said hat about if the computer crashes because my sister mistreats it because she had crashed two computers prior to this. He told me that’s way you make hard copies every night before you leave, well needless to say he didn’t like the stipulations I asked so I didn’t take on the task, and so he asked two other people due the accounting and both of them messed up so bad as well as he did, but not to the extent as the first two that the trucking business didn’t even last 1 year, one of them took money from the company and the other person took money from the company as well as taking out loans and using the company and my fathers home as collateral to the extent that he not only lost the business and the trucks because they weren’t bringing in the the income from the hauls, but the loans in which he used the house for collateral for fixing up the house that my dad owned and getting personal vehicles all with loans at which the business and home where used as collateral, so the city took the house because my father couldn’t pay those loans, and my father allowed this to happen and signed the paper work receive the loans, so he is at fault as well. Now my father is drawing Social Security, Veterans Benefits, and is payee for two other people, and asked me to keep track of those three accounts, then we went to four when he received a lump sum from the V A for the AGENT ORANGE he received while in Vietnam, which he used to move out to the country where he has always wanted to be, but my step mother didn’t want to move, and until receiving the extra benefits from V A he couldn’t afford it. Now that he is in the country when he is in town it is usually for appointments and I do hardly see him but I talk to him often, if not to update him about his balances from the three accounts that he still holds but the one thing that has changed that now makes him a father I wish I have always wanted, some children want and still want and some people have and have always had is long talks, the other day my wife said I talked to him on the phone for almost an hour and I told her when I got of the phone, the other day when she was at the store grocery shopping, I had spent almost an hour and a half talking on the phone with him. SO in the end I was angry with my father for all the abuse I suffered at his hands, mostly because of lies and although I can’t quit forget something so terrible I have forgave him and look at the past as a reason why I am so close to him, sure I would like to do things such as hunt, fish, ect, but due to my medical situations it wouldn’t be safe and he understands this. I am in no way saying that it was easy to get this far nor am I it is over. But that fact is no matter how long it takes, “The Harder They Are The Farther They Fall” and sooner or later THEY DO.
Example: 2-18-11 my father stopped by and we had a nice talk about some situations that he was going through with some of the older siblings, and he had told me the biggest problems with them, is they don’t want to listen, they think they know it all. I told him I used to be that way for along time, and sometimes I still feel that way but alot of times I am put in place. He also told me sometimes because of his heath conditions, he feels like laying down and giving up, he can hardly walk, has a hard time breathing, can’t work, and he cant sit in one spot to long or stand for long periods as well, so he feels useless. I told him that he had much knowledge that he could give, people just had to open up there ears and listen to him. The problem was they don’t want to because they don’t want to be put in their place they don’t want to be proven wrong or learn new things or easier ways to deal with things they already know, so they argue about it until the conversation is no longer worth discussing. One thing I have learned from my father taught me in later years and my older son continues to catch me on is you have to know which things are worth fighting about. I told my father also in response to him saying he doesn’t know if it is worth continuing, I told him that because of my brain surgery, I have lost alot of things I have learned over they years, alot of the things he has taught me come back and most of of the time it is refreshed when my older son brings it up because it was something his father taught him. I also told my father I was always looking for advice, his reply was ” all I know is truck driving and machinery I told him “even as a truck driver he picked up alot of every day life experiences that I learned and could use in my life and pass on to my children. My ears are always open and want to gain more knowledge so there is something you have to look forward to. And the long talks that we have had on the phone the past year or so without his knowledge I have pickup on things that he has said that I have turned in to knowledge that I use . Over the past 18 years my oldest son has even taught me things that his father has taught him, that my father hasn’t taught me. And maybe someday I can pass that knowledge from my father and my oldest son on to my son. At this point it is hard passing that knowledge on to my son with him being 11 years old he has the I know it all attitude. So for the time being I am reminding myself and sometimes I have to remind others “is it really worth the argument, in time he will learn” just as we had to do.