Tag Archives: Marriage

The Love of a spouse

There are many people who have been together for many years whether it is a long term relationship or a marriage. My first marriage lasted three  years, don’t get me wrong it started out great, however it started to crash after about the second year. Going into the third year the I left for a while because we soon had things that we didn’t agree on after awhile, I soon realized   that I needed to go home and try to give it another chance we soon moved that house to a place downtown then money situations started to get in the way, she started to ask her mother for money and when I asked her where she got it she would lie about it, then it came to stealing  money for drugs. I soon left the whole situation for good. After awhile I found a lady that I am still with to this day. It is funny how the whole relationship started. My now wife met my mom first then my mom called me to ask for my assistance in helping her move in with my now wife.
When I got over to the house to help her load up the car, the first thing I said to Pam (wife), was my mom don’t need to live with you she needs to be in a place of her own and I was very boisterous when I said this. I soon found out that she didn’t live very far from me, so I would go down to her house to see my mom, and her of course. There were times I would walk in and tell Pam she looked like (crap) replacing it with the more harsher word), however I was actually telling her she looked Beautiful. trying to hide the fact that I was falling in love with her. I could see she was suffering from pain in the legs by the way she walked, but I didn’t know the extent of her medical problems, which didn’t matter to me. Well unbeknownst to me she was also falling in love with me. Then one night we where sitting on the from porch having a few mixed drinks, and some beers, and because I was feeling the effects of the alcohol  and she said why don’t you stay the night.

I gladly excepted, I was going to sleep on the couch but she said no you can sleep in my bed and that’s when I realized she had feelings for me. Now we know what could happen when this case arises, however, I told her we can’t do this because before this does go that for we need to be clear headed.

Now from previous post you all know that she had two children from a previous marriage, It was very strange because her oldest son was just 6 years my Jr, http://wp.me/p1gcCC- and soon he started to get to know me. Then she also had a daughter  and https://thoughtzfrommyheart.wordpress.com/2011/01/01/a-daughter-grown-up/ one thing I told all of them also their father was, I will never try to replace you, you are welcome here to see your children any time you would like.  Now for a long time it was very touchy, not knowing what to do, what was to come. Her son was always gone, her daughter was gone to her aunts from her fathers side. But my father soon said your taking my piece of machinery, my stepmother said then you can deal with his seizures, Pam gladly said I will. I packed my things that I could in her car and left, went back to her house and had a few more drinks on the front porch.  After awhile she went to lay down I was still listening to cassette tapes so I put a tape in my walkman continued to finish my drink and listen to music. Back then I wouldn’t be caught with out some music playing, now my cassettes are gone but the disc man still runs instead of mp3 players and my oldest son say when are you  going to switch to mp3 disc mans are long gone. I said I probably  won’t, I have to much money invest in CDS to waste the cases are gone so selling them aren’t an option. However as they get scratched I will through them away and not replace them.
Now we just celebrated our 20th anniversary the 13th of this month, when we got married it was on a friday, and many people thought that we wouldn’t last more than six months, I am sure that people in the family were even making bets on it.

Now as I continue with my wife it is a love I can’t deny. We have had are issues and our fights, we have had our spats over money but only because I will take between 7 to 9 dollars for a pack of non- filtered smokes, and sometimes I will get upset because she will want to check the checks to make sure that they are wrote out right and the account numbers are correct,  I still call her if I am out to find out if Ii have enough in my account to get a cup of coffee or smokes if I need them. The biggest problem with most people and finances is people want things they cant have so they use money they don’t have or they take money from their spouse without their knowledge and when the spouse finds out they also find out sooner or later they have taken it for something they shouldn’t have, (drugs, gambling, online porn, you have one person who is so controlling with the money that  if you spend an extra dollar on something you shouldn’t have ie a candy bar for yourself or your child, ect.). My wife and I have enough to live comfortably, any we live with what we have, if I get called to help someone with a car situation and I can do it I will help and I just take what they offer, unless I have set a price for certain jobs. If I feel like just helping people out, I will tell them your problem has been taken care of you can be on your way or I am going home now, and there is no charge.  When I have a doctors appt downtown I will stop and get a coffee and buy someone something and my wife knows about it she don’t say anything.  It is a sad situation because most of the divorces are caused by this, and also due to the fact that or jobs have closed and moved south, alot of them that move will open in the south under a different name so they can hide the fact that they just moved like the Life Savers candy company moved south because it was cheaper for sugar. However if people had a better outlook and focused their lives on Christ, their needs would be taken care of. Honestly I haven’t focused my life totally on Christ, but I can say this with my wife, we have been very comfortable with our financial status. We love each other, we care  about each other and our children are as will no matter how old they are.

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This post reflects the testimony  series my step son has recently posted on his Daily Aspects blog.  I have been with him over half of his life, and I have seen alot of his bad times as a teenager and into adulthood. Which brings me to the next section of my post. Many times’ he has posted many troubles and times of desperation, most of those times he has come to me not to get advise, but just to vent or get an open ear sometimes asking for advice. Mostly just an open ear is all he wanted. Numerous times I have had to tell him and over the years he has realized this. Asking someone to open their ear to hear you also requires you have to open your ear as well. Now I am not just talking about when they are talking to you that you need to have that ear open, but this is another case of (read between the lines). You don’t have to have any physical person standing there to talk to, when you pray and ask for guidance, how are you supposed to get an answer if your ear isn’t open to hear it.( I am sorry to those who don’t look at things as I see them, such as reading between the lines but there are many things, every day a person can pick out of each thing that is said or seen in more than one or more ways and whether the author of Daily Aspects realizes it or not he just had a situation where he found himself reading between the lines. He may not look at it this way he may have another definition.

As we sat here in the garage talking about his recent post when I came into his life, it had dawned on me about the day I had asked his mother to marry me. In doing so I asked her without coming flat out and saying ” WILL YOU MARRY ME”  she looked at me for a second or so not to long because we were on the highway on our way up to Holland to see her brother. When I didn’t get an answer again I asked “WILL YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME” again I got no reply just a dumb founded look, So finally I looked over at her and with a little laugh in my voice I said I have been trying to ask you for the last ten miles “WILL YOU MARRY ME“!  Again I got this dumbfounded look as though she didn’t catch on, so I thought, maybe just maybe she didn’t hear me and I’ll just play as if I had never said it and go on with the day. No sooner as I thought that I looked over at your mother again and I could see a couple of tears running down her face. So it was then I played dumb and asked her what was wrong and she replied, did you just ask me to Marry you and I said yes I have been trying to for the last 10 miles. That’s when I told her that she had better get used to some between the line reading because I was going to catch her alot. That night is when I also dedicated this song for her  

The reason for this dedication is at the time, we were two totally different people from opposite worlds, grew up and raised with two sets of rules and as adults we lived totally different. After hearing this song and putting the lyrics into context (reading between the lines) she could understand what and why I had dedicated that particular song. When we met each other, we found in someways we were the same but majority of our ways we are different. As we get older the Islands get more and more noticeable although our love for each other will not die, people say they see we have grown apart, it has been noticed and I have to admit in some instances I feel it, and I also now that it is my fault and sometimes, it makes me feel that maybe she would be better off without me, that maybe this whole family would be better off without me. But the one thing that keeps me going is when I hear Ray or dad. I have four people in this house and numerous others outside this house that calls me at least once a day. Tonight I received a call from my daughter asking for some assistance from everyone in the home, but it had to start with myself and her mother.
Like all marriages ours isn’t a match made in heaven we have our bad days we have our good days. Anyone who says that they don’t have problems is hiding something, our love will guide us through the rough times. Sometimes we have to meet in the middle. 

The end will never be known to any of us as we age we can be taken at any time. Our days are numbered and we continue to face everyday as it comes not knowing whether it will be our last or if we will even make it through the night

Every night when I am still awake, I walk down the hall and trying not to wake you, check to see if you are still with us. When you are sleeping your breathing is slow shallow that it takes time for me to focus on the blankets to see the rise and fall from the inhale and exhale as you breathe. As I climb into bed next to you, I get close enough so I can hear your heart beat, that is the things people don’t see, the don’t see the love we actually share for each other because they have their own little world, ( corners they go to and aren’t around). Sure there can be more to our marriage but as I had stated earlier our marriage was not made in heaven.

17 years

 17 years and numerous tears, various likes and dislikes
Completely different illnesses neither one we like, But the two things we have in common is, what we will do is take  care of each other when either one of us go down, and take care of our children no matter what the age is. Many times I say no, But you now I am a Joker, and I love to see the reaction, but even though some of them don’t know when I am joking and even get upset and even mad at times, but in the end they all know that I will come through for them. MY wife I have loved from day one the first day we met, we had a disagreement over my mother living with her. and then the next summer I was on a trip with her to her to Holland Mi., where her brother lived and I asked her 3 times in three different ways if she would marry me and she never caught on it wasn’t until I came right out and said, Will you marry ME that she caught on to what I was trying to ask.Now 17 years later we are still going strong and will continue to go strong until the GOOD LORD takes one of us or both of us.