Tag Archives: pain

Loved, Lost, But not Forgotten

Many people loose at least one person that they cherished so mush that they wish they were still here, could come back, wished they were dead so they could see them again or wished they had gone first so they didn’t have to be left here without the one they had lost. I am reminded of this on numerous occasions not because I have lost someone that close to me yet, but when a family member or friend does die I can see the pain and heartache in those left behind. Today I can still see it in my fathers eyes every now and then when my step mothers name is mentioned, My wife name when her fathers name is mentioned, last week we recently lost a cousin on my fathers side the only people that showed any pain were his children and wife of thirty four years. Now every one shows pain differently, such as myself. I have been through so much pain as I child I don’t cry that much, and if I do it hasn’t been over the death of a family member.Believe me with a big family like mine there have been many people pass over the years, some could call me and have called me cold blooded, but what could I say their is alot.
My life was changed in many ways when I got married to my wife Pam, with an already made family, (which let me say didn’t matter I was used to that)  being raised in a home with four step sisters and one step brother. Now the death of my wife and my children blood, step, inlaws, that’s a different story  I still don’t show alot of emotion, sometimes I hold it in, sometimes it isn’t worth it because I wasn’t close enough to the person or the pain to bad to relive it. However the lose of a mother or Father even though the pain and heartache I went through when I was younger from both of them I would cry.
Then again who know I might even be gone before any of them are.
The voice also say alot when a person is pain at the lose of a close family member, point in case below is a link from an adopted niece Bianca H. Morrow who wrote this song for her grandmother who passed away. Keep your ears tuned to the lyrics, and you’ll be able to read between the lines to feel the pain I am talking about.


Painful Thoughts:

So many times I feel lonely, sad and don’t understand why. Some may say it is because I turn 40 and I am having a mid life crisis but I have been feeling this way for a long time. There are so many great things that are going on in my life. I have a wonderful family right her in my home. I can’t express the feelings that I should have because of these wonderful things. Instead I sit here wondering, what did I do in my younger years to have these emotions now. I guess until I have found these answers, I will always hold these hurt feeling and a hide a face of sorrow and despair. I see people all the time walking down the streets smiling and happy and I wonder is this just a front they are putting on or are they really happy, I see people who are sad and think that what can I do to brighten up their day, remember it may only take a couple of words to brighten up a persons day GOD BLESS YOU, Have a wonderful day, or lending a  hand with something even if it is a complete stranger, remember watch yourself, p1gcCC-gN). Open your ears to someone who needs a person to talk to, without judgement for their actions, but lead them in a direction that will help them. Just as it doesn’t take much to lift a persons Spirits, it takes even less to knock them down, I know from experience I have not only been on both ends of that, but I have also done the same to others, sometimes not even realizing it, so watch how you say things to people know who you are talking to and get a full picture of what is going on before you say anything, because whether you realize it or not you could crush someones spirit and they may not say anything to you and, the one thing my father always told me it is the quiet ones who you have to watch out for. They are the ones that you don’t know what they are going to do. Example look at the boys of the Columbine Shooting. They where constantly being picked on at school and beat by there father, but never showed any feeling about it.  Now with that being said, I am not going to go and do some thing like that. Such a tragedy for all involved. Any time there is such an attack or attack of any kind  I feel sad, upset and hurt, the most recent the attack at the Aurora Theater, I told my wife it is safer to watch movies at home, talk about jobs going out of business, now the theaters are going to start shutting down because of the stupidity of one person.  Think about the emotional impact it is going to have on all those. Now alot of you are going to ask why is this post all over the place, But if you look at the whole post you will see that it all ties into one outline, Painful Thoughts