Tag Archives: tribulation

Overloaded and Cold Shouldered

A new beginning, I have started bible study with my two older children and wife, as we hold two Bible studies daily with my oldest Children as the leaders of the Studies, each one taking a class and teaching it. I thought this song is fitting for this post giving this credit where it is due back to the author of http://dailyaspects.wordpress.com/ he posted in response to one of my recent posts and I felt compelled to respond. He knows all to well that I have had a ice cold heart when it comes to certain things I don’t show emotions of sorry at funerals. It wasn’t until I heard the songs on this post that all I could do was cry I had held so much pain and anger in my life that after this song[

Now with that being said it also went with the post that softened a heart that was so overloaded as a levy unable to opened yet unable to break, not even the slightest leak or puncture could be applied to it no matter how hard anyone tried. But it took among the a song I posted and the two songs that he posted this

which in itself had a huge impact on the prayer that I had wrote earlier in the day. Needless to say all three songs had finally made me cry so hard that after 15 minutes my eyes were so dry they were red from being blood shot. The next song had another totally different effect on my however it still had a remarkable direct impact towards my hardened heart and struggling life. The rainmaker for me, tear jerker whatever you want to call it. I have told my family that the last time I cried that hard was back in the mid nineties when my wife had just got the computer and was up all night on that, and even then it was about three minutes and that was it. The longest time I cried before this was after my wife had had her hysterectomy, the doctors had given her some patches to help with those mood swings, my daughter

thought that it would be funny to put it in my coffee pot, needless to say my emotions where all over the place crying but yet so mad not knowing why i was crying I was telling everyone to get out of my house and in NOT so nice of words either this was in 2007 I believe. But again that didn’t loosen the hardened heart. If anything I think it hardened it even more I had no clue what happened until the next morning when I went to make another pot of coffee and when I questioned each and every one of the Children I was told by each of them it was me. I knew it had to be one of them and the truth always comes out so I waited, and sure enough, it did slip later that it was my daughter, only to be confirmed by her husband after she got drunk one day and let it slip to him also. Now my son told me that once I did cry it was going to hit me like a brick, believe me I didn’t care how hard it hit, I just wanted it to hit and soon. I couldn’t hold the pain and sadness any more, my shoulders where already about to crush from all the weight being loaded and not unloaded, like a City Plow being loaded with salt or dirt for the icy roads, bucket after bucket being dumped. As I watched the videos It was like that same city plow as it went up and down the city streets spreading the its load to help with the ice, But as I got done with the whole post and hibernated to my room, that bucket had just dumped its’ whole load of salt and as it piled all in one spot I could feel the load on my shoulders getting lighter and lighter and as I sat up I could see the son shine through the window for the first time that day. I had recently been on my mail and seen this posted from one of my gmail friends.

Crying

Never looking at it that way, But I also have never looked at it the way many fathers have taught their sons that crying is for babies and for the weak, I have just ( some would say a person with no remorse). Myself I would just have to say I have been holding so much pain and anger that I can’t or wont show emotions. If I did it had to be a very painful situation and those such things haven’t happened as of yet.  All those I dearly Love are still alive.

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Change of Heart, Mind and Soul:

The heart can be broken by lifes’ many trials. Abuse, lies, mistrust, dead end roads. All leading to one thing. Many times I have tried to walk the road of Faith following Gods’ guidance, and as many times as I have tried to follow I have failed twenty times over if not more. I have always chalked it up as the trials tribulations, and struggles of life. Which is easier to do then take on the responsibility and say what did I do wrong to cause this problem. Maybe I didn’t have a part in it, but there was a reason for this to come my way. It was predestined for me to have a son even though I didn’t want a child, due to the fact of Epilepsy ran on both sides of my family, God had other plans. Then came to pass that my wife was carrying twins, another trait of the Wright family, but again, God had other plans. We still have one child, at one when we found out that one of the fetuses had not made it, again I questioned God and my trust was broken, I had lost my way. Even though I had told my wife when they told her there was no child there I told her, that the tech that did the ultrasound messed up and missed it. I told her that the baby is there and to have Faith in God even though I had already began to question him and my faith had already deteriorated to the point of nil. The tech came back from talking to our family doctor, and she had told us the doctor said there was a baby in there and she had to do another test, so “LET THE TEST BEGAN” again I waited impatiently and as she continued to probe, I began to hear the heartbeat of an unborn child and my eyes began to tear up as I looked at my wife and said there he is.
As I was typing the last phrase one song came to mind, and again as I listened to it, again my eyes began to tear as I thought about that day when I was in the hospital just standing there one minute questioning God, yet telling my wife to have Faith that God will see all things through and the baby will be there, just fine.

At this point I began to ask myself why would God allow this child to be alive after I questioned him, and let my faith fall so far.  Many years of people lying, abusing, abandoning, denying, mistrusting ect, . I despised it, hated it and didn’t want nothing to do with them. Now I was doing the same thing to God that I despised. Why would he save my child. I stop and think about that every now and then. I mean it isn’t that hard to figure out why, Our God is an Awesome God 

Now as time goes by I began to wonder why I continuously wonder what happened to make things so haphazzard in my life, what I had done to let things get so bad that I let myself get so lost in life that it is so disastrous,I have lost touch with reality sometimes.

I sometimes want to cry but life has been so cruel and hard that my when I hear a sad song see a touching movie, go to a funeral, the most that happens my eyes will water as if I could easily pass it off as a yawn or something is in my eye.
There is a song that I would always tear to 

But the one I really love to listen to is I used to listen to this song alot when I first got married to Pam back in 1994.  At this time we had gone to church every Sunday. At first I thought she was very pushy about going to church and because of my background, I didn’t want nothing to do with the thought of it, but none the less I went putting my feelings aside because of the way I felt for her. I was also a person on my own and when we first got together we would sit on the front porch in the morning every day including Sundays and have drinks including my specialty Manhattans on the rocks. Something told me that all would stop, and I told her then 14 year son that I thought his mother was going to far with this church thing. Needless to say that didn’t last very long and back to the weeks of having drinks everyday, and I thought that was greater than going to church any day. This is also coming from a person who went to church as a child who went to church on Sundays just to get away from getting a beating on Sunday morning before the day can even start. So in retrospect of all this, I would have to say, over the many years of constant
heartaches and abuse and then the heartaches and abuse I have caused to others, the worst of all heartaches and abuse I caused was that I caused to the Lord and even knowing that he sent his Son to die on the Cross to die for our sins, He still loved me enough to give me a son, Loved me enough to save me through all these years,and to help me go through all the trials and tribulations with the love and support of a great Father. For many people it is hard to fathom that one Man can do so many things and be in so many places at one time. But through him all things are possible.  Then comes the time for judgement when we all have to face him to answer for our sins.

When that day comes are you going to be able to answer to those sins and say to God that you are sorry for those sins, can you actually give the Greatest Creator of All an honest and humble answer or will you be awestruck as this song indicates 

At this point in life I could honestly say Lord, You, have sent you Son to die for our sins and washed them away, and that nothing I have done in my time on earth allows me a place in heaven. But when I am face to face, I know I would be the later, not knowing what to say, myself I would be tongue tied and twisted. What about you?

Worries:

The worries of today that many people talk about are the Tribulation. Some say it is going to happen before Christ returns, Some say it is going to happen after Christ has come and gone. We all know that the Mark of the beast is going to happen in order to buy food, gas, the concentration camps, if you don’t receive the mark, and death if you don’t confess satan, as you god. Many people let this worry them, but if you are right with God you have nothing to worry about. I have been told numerous times, from many people I don’t live or walk right with God. But there is only one person that can Judge me, and on that day as I face that Person I will find out whether or not I’ll be entering the Gates above or being casts into the Pits. No I don’t go to church, but I have been told by numerous pastors and others that have been going to church for along time who have grown up from childhood going to church that going to church isn’t a necessity, just as the Bible states even though a person goes and spreads Gods words and teaches others about Christs that doesn’t give them entrance into the Gates of Heaven. I don’t look at myself as spreading Gods Word, I am stating facts to contradict that the many worries that is going around about the tribulation. The Tribulation is certainly going to happen before the Rapture. Many people are under the impression that Christ will come back and take his chosen before the Tribulation, that is because many false teachers have rewritten the scripture and if you really read the top of this post you will see I said that during the Tribulation, people will be killed if they don’t confess satan as their god. When the Bible says that God will come back to get His Chosen, the Bible is talking about those who have already passed on. As I write this it reminds me of a few people who are supposed to be ” church goers” and the reason I specify it that way is because they are from different denominations and because again they will be judge when they stand in front of Christ, for their sins. Sins not only against myself but also against others.
I will not confess satan as my God and I will not take the mark of the beast. Death is upon me when that day COMES.

Peace and War

Many people know about peace and war involving the military, know as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Some know about the struggles with depression that comes with years of abuse mentally, physically, emotionally ,ect.  And yet there is the third kind of Peace and War, that people know but yet most don’t acknowledge it don’t understand it or just don’t care to understand it. It is the Peace and WAR between GOD and satan. This is the Peace and War I would like to talk about in this post today. Let me first say, we all know there is no Peace when it comes to GOD and satan,  There is only peace when you have pushed satan completely out of your  life and opened the door for God to enter, take the wheel and lead your life. However when you do this it will cause a hardship between you and others. Satan will start to put numerous dead ends, challenges, and obstacles, in your paths, and sometimes even use people you know to discourage you and make you turn your back towards him and say I have had it with you God now leave me alone. I know I have, but the one thing I also know about God is he is a sovereign God, and that he forgives no matter how many times you make a mistake.  Matthew 18:21-22 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Now Jesus tells us in the first books of the bible that he was sent to do his Fathers’ Will, so when Jesus said not seven times but seventy – seven times he was telling us this is what God was telling him. Everything that is being preached from the bible is from God, through the mouth of his son Jesus Christ.  The Bible also says  in John  14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. That also states in itself that Jesus is doing what he was sent to do the work of God. Either way you look at it, prayers are answered by the Sovereign God through Jesus.

There are so many people that think they can’t let the Lord take the lead, that they have to be in the front and just have the Lord there only when they are struggling when there has been a road block dropped across the road or a fork in the road and they don’t know which path to take. Then they say to the Lord you can have the front. For I know not which path to take, or how do I get passed this road block. I am one of those people. For numerous times I have wanted to take that tandem bike and lead until I have come to a struggle  and one time I was told by the Lord, I am sorry but this is one time you must find your way out.

Well let me say this, at one time I was stuck in a huge circle of rose bushes and no matter how many times I asked God to help me get out without stepping on or walking through a branch or thorn it never worked because I wasn’t following God, so when I did get out I was all scratched up with thorns sticking out of my feet arms legs ect.  I know I did when I was stuck amongst that patch of rose bushes. So when you feel you are stuck in a moment you can’t get out of

Another example of wanting to lead the way until a trial or tribulation comes dropping in your lap. My son has had that happen to him recently and I hope he finds comfort in the Road of Life.

So let me end this by saying there will be times when you are asking for guidance and it will feel as though the Lord is not listening, but you have to understand He is there and all it is, is he wants you to walk through this a little while before he steps in to help or he knows that you can handle this situation on your own, or you just haven’t found the way that he has showed you because you weren’t listening to him, when he gave you the answers before.