Tag Archives: years

Growing Up:

Born in 1972, as some would call it a military brat my father was stationed in Vietnam out of Ft Carson Colorado, I was sick for the first 11 months of my life, until the doctors found out I was allergic to oats, whey, barley, cow milk,and a couple of other things I had to drink goats milk. After coming home from Vietnam, my father was sent to Ft, Wainwright. In 1975 my mother, brothers Bruce, Russell. and myself where shipped back home to Grand Rapids Mi. my father soon followed soon fallowed in 1976. Which sad to say was also the end of the marriage of my parents as we knew it, reasons still unsure to me. I have been told by both of them a different story. Which also brought a new situation. My brother Russ and I had been separated one going with each parent, telling us different stories. One said the other didn’t want me, the other said that is was best that way, cheaper for all involved with court cost the battle of having to wait because children were involved, and not having to deal with child support if each parent had a child. I went with my father and Russ with my mother.

English: Downtown Grand Rapids from the 28th f...

English: Downtown Grand Rapids from the 28th floor of the River House Condominiums (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By this time my father had remarried, and my step mother Delores Wright (Marcus) was already pregnant for my half brother Micheal. Now my step mother had already had a five children from previous marriages Marcia, Patricia, Betty, Bonnie, and Burkey, now at some point Russ ended up in the home as well. So now we have nine living in a house with 3 bedrooms and two attics. To get to two of the bedrooms you had to go through the center bedroom, which left no peace for whoever slept in that room. As I got older the older sisters started finding boyfriends and moving out which opened up bedrooms, which of course then the open rooms became closed due to older brothers, so for along time I still slept in what was know as an attic it was no bigger than I would have to say (what my brothers would call a jail cell) only on the north side the ceiling sloped due to the A frame structure, and no lights made it a very dead place felt more like a dungeon. I did have fun when I wasn’t getting blamed for something but, sitting back and thinking I think I was just sent to the baseball game that my brothers, and later finding out my stepson SLIK played, was just to get me out of the house so they didn’t have to worry about me being in the house alone until it got to the point that the house wasn’t getting cleaned while mom was working so then that became my daily job after school until bed, with eight people home on a regular bases and nine when dad came in the house was always a mess.

My mistake was I was too clean I didn’t rush to get things done and they where done right, that got me in what I would say was big trouble because when you do something right you are stuck doing from that point on. One day at a ball game I was climbing a tree and next to me was a branch that had been broken off into a point, and needless to say I loosed me footing and ended up with stitches in my armpit, didn’t  feel  nothing until they put the stitches in. I have been hit by three cars in the same spot on the same leg, lost a brand new pair of pants in one accident and a new pair of boots, but  never got one  broken bone, but the amount of stitches I have acquired over the years I couldn’t even begin to count.

OH sure we went to the lake as a family and that was fun for the most part but it always turned into to a big argument when we got home because some one didn’t like the way some acted or someone wasn’t watching the younger children nieces, nephews ect. Believe me when I say I come from a very dysfunctional family, many people who know my family agree. I can’t say I am as dysfunctional as they’re but it is defiantly in my genes and all I can do is laugh about it.
Like my kids say I am a dinosaur because I wont give up the cd player or get into the newer generation of music, sometimes I will put say something and put the wrong words in its place.
I have to say what’s wrong with that. Sometimes it can be embarrassing , but later on down the road it is something you can look back and laugh about.

Advertisements

Overloaded and Cold Shouldered

A new beginning, I have started bible study with my two older children and wife, as we hold two Bible studies daily with my oldest Children as the leaders of the Studies, each one taking a class and teaching it. I thought this song is fitting for this post giving this credit where it is due back to the author of http://dailyaspects.wordpress.com/ he posted in response to one of my recent posts and I felt compelled to respond. He knows all to well that I have had a ice cold heart when it comes to certain things I don’t show emotions of sorry at funerals. It wasn’t until I heard the songs on this post that all I could do was cry I had held so much pain and anger in my life that after this song[

Now with that being said it also went with the post that softened a heart that was so overloaded as a levy unable to opened yet unable to break, not even the slightest leak or puncture could be applied to it no matter how hard anyone tried. But it took among the a song I posted and the two songs that he posted this

which in itself had a huge impact on the prayer that I had wrote earlier in the day. Needless to say all three songs had finally made me cry so hard that after 15 minutes my eyes were so dry they were red from being blood shot. The next song had another totally different effect on my however it still had a remarkable direct impact towards my hardened heart and struggling life. The rainmaker for me, tear jerker whatever you want to call it. I have told my family that the last time I cried that hard was back in the mid nineties when my wife had just got the computer and was up all night on that, and even then it was about three minutes and that was it. The longest time I cried before this was after my wife had had her hysterectomy, the doctors had given her some patches to help with those mood swings, my daughter

thought that it would be funny to put it in my coffee pot, needless to say my emotions where all over the place crying but yet so mad not knowing why i was crying I was telling everyone to get out of my house and in NOT so nice of words either this was in 2007 I believe. But again that didn’t loosen the hardened heart. If anything I think it hardened it even more I had no clue what happened until the next morning when I went to make another pot of coffee and when I questioned each and every one of the Children I was told by each of them it was me. I knew it had to be one of them and the truth always comes out so I waited, and sure enough, it did slip later that it was my daughter, only to be confirmed by her husband after she got drunk one day and let it slip to him also. Now my son told me that once I did cry it was going to hit me like a brick, believe me I didn’t care how hard it hit, I just wanted it to hit and soon. I couldn’t hold the pain and sadness any more, my shoulders where already about to crush from all the weight being loaded and not unloaded, like a City Plow being loaded with salt or dirt for the icy roads, bucket after bucket being dumped. As I watched the videos It was like that same city plow as it went up and down the city streets spreading the its load to help with the ice, But as I got done with the whole post and hibernated to my room, that bucket had just dumped its’ whole load of salt and as it piled all in one spot I could feel the load on my shoulders getting lighter and lighter and as I sat up I could see the son shine through the window for the first time that day. I had recently been on my mail and seen this posted from one of my gmail friends.

Crying

Never looking at it that way, But I also have never looked at it the way many fathers have taught their sons that crying is for babies and for the weak, I have just ( some would say a person with no remorse). Myself I would just have to say I have been holding so much pain and anger that I can’t or wont show emotions. If I did it had to be a very painful situation and those such things haven’t happened as of yet.  All those I dearly Love are still alive.

Change of Heart, Mind and Soul:

The heart can be broken by lifes’ many trials. Abuse, lies, mistrust, dead end roads. All leading to one thing. Many times I have tried to walk the road of Faith following Gods’ guidance, and as many times as I have tried to follow I have failed twenty times over if not more. I have always chalked it up as the trials tribulations, and struggles of life. Which is easier to do then take on the responsibility and say what did I do wrong to cause this problem. Maybe I didn’t have a part in it, but there was a reason for this to come my way. It was predestined for me to have a son even though I didn’t want a child, due to the fact of Epilepsy ran on both sides of my family, God had other plans. Then came to pass that my wife was carrying twins, another trait of the Wright family, but again, God had other plans. We still have one child, at one when we found out that one of the fetuses had not made it, again I questioned God and my trust was broken, I had lost my way. Even though I had told my wife when they told her there was no child there I told her, that the tech that did the ultrasound messed up and missed it. I told her that the baby is there and to have Faith in God even though I had already began to question him and my faith had already deteriorated to the point of nil. The tech came back from talking to our family doctor, and she had told us the doctor said there was a baby in there and she had to do another test, so “LET THE TEST BEGAN” again I waited impatiently and as she continued to probe, I began to hear the heartbeat of an unborn child and my eyes began to tear up as I looked at my wife and said there he is.
As I was typing the last phrase one song came to mind, and again as I listened to it, again my eyes began to tear as I thought about that day when I was in the hospital just standing there one minute questioning God, yet telling my wife to have Faith that God will see all things through and the baby will be there, just fine.

At this point I began to ask myself why would God allow this child to be alive after I questioned him, and let my faith fall so far.  Many years of people lying, abusing, abandoning, denying, mistrusting ect, . I despised it, hated it and didn’t want nothing to do with them. Now I was doing the same thing to God that I despised. Why would he save my child. I stop and think about that every now and then. I mean it isn’t that hard to figure out why, Our God is an Awesome God 

Now as time goes by I began to wonder why I continuously wonder what happened to make things so haphazzard in my life, what I had done to let things get so bad that I let myself get so lost in life that it is so disastrous,I have lost touch with reality sometimes.

I sometimes want to cry but life has been so cruel and hard that my when I hear a sad song see a touching movie, go to a funeral, the most that happens my eyes will water as if I could easily pass it off as a yawn or something is in my eye.
There is a song that I would always tear to 

But the one I really love to listen to is I used to listen to this song alot when I first got married to Pam back in 1994.  At this time we had gone to church every Sunday. At first I thought she was very pushy about going to church and because of my background, I didn’t want nothing to do with the thought of it, but none the less I went putting my feelings aside because of the way I felt for her. I was also a person on my own and when we first got together we would sit on the front porch in the morning every day including Sundays and have drinks including my specialty Manhattans on the rocks. Something told me that all would stop, and I told her then 14 year son that I thought his mother was going to far with this church thing. Needless to say that didn’t last very long and back to the weeks of having drinks everyday, and I thought that was greater than going to church any day. This is also coming from a person who went to church as a child who went to church on Sundays just to get away from getting a beating on Sunday morning before the day can even start. So in retrospect of all this, I would have to say, over the many years of constant
heartaches and abuse and then the heartaches and abuse I have caused to others, the worst of all heartaches and abuse I caused was that I caused to the Lord and even knowing that he sent his Son to die on the Cross to die for our sins, He still loved me enough to give me a son, Loved me enough to save me through all these years,and to help me go through all the trials and tribulations with the love and support of a great Father. For many people it is hard to fathom that one Man can do so many things and be in so many places at one time. But through him all things are possible.  Then comes the time for judgement when we all have to face him to answer for our sins.

When that day comes are you going to be able to answer to those sins and say to God that you are sorry for those sins, can you actually give the Greatest Creator of All an honest and humble answer or will you be awestruck as this song indicates 

At this point in life I could honestly say Lord, You, have sent you Son to die for our sins and washed them away, and that nothing I have done in my time on earth allows me a place in heaven. But when I am face to face, I know I would be the later, not knowing what to say, myself I would be tongue tied and twisted. What about you?

17 years

 17 years and numerous tears, various likes and dislikes
Completely different illnesses neither one we like, But the two things we have in common is, what we will do is take  care of each other when either one of us go down, and take care of our children no matter what the age is. Many times I say no, But you now I am a Joker, and I love to see the reaction, but even though some of them don’t know when I am joking and even get upset and even mad at times, but in the end they all know that I will come through for them. MY wife I have loved from day one the first day we met, we had a disagreement over my mother living with her. and then the next summer I was on a trip with her to her to Holland Mi., where her brother lived and I asked her 3 times in three different ways if she would marry me and she never caught on it wasn’t until I came right out and said, Will you marry ME that she caught on to what I was trying to ask.Now 17 years later we are still going strong and will continue to go strong until the GOOD LORD takes one of us or both of us.

A DAUGHTER GROWN -UP

My step-daughter although I came into her life when she was 2 1/2 years old,  she is now 20. And like her older brother when she hit the teenage years she turned into a pain also, only in a different matter. She always wanted money, and when she didn’t get it, she would get upset, throw temper tantrums anything she could to get it, then it turned into she would use the guilt trip to get it, especially after the death of her father when she was 15, she would use that as an excuse to get what she wanted.  But that is all in the past.
Now for the Grown-UP part, Now at 19 yrs old, she has gotten married and has a baby all with in  4 months, she has had her share of difficulties with her husband, as we all have had with our spouse or significant other and sure there are ways that she could have handled things better, and her disagreements with her brother can be outrageous, but soon they settle down, and within a day or so they are back to talking, ( this is what I see, from the bleachers ),  I think she finally realized the doors in my house can bite back ,when she had her fight with her brother she hit her bedroom door as she always did, but this time, she has hurt her hand to the point where it swelled up that when the x rays where taken the doctors couldn’t say whether her hand was fractured or just badly bruised. So hopefully she will learn not to hit doors when she is mad. As far as being a mother, I see her as a very caring mother, (like her mother) who would doing anything to make sure that her baby was taken care of, including waking myself or her mother up to watch the baby if she needed to get some much needed sleep, and the father as well (an agreement her mother and I made with them), and she know that waking us up because the baby needs medical attention is always available if needed.  Although she has more to learn as we all do, everyday we can or learn something new.  And learning new things lead to another step of growing up. SO far now I see her as Grown up as she needs to be. AND yet we can still be children when the time is right.